Chin Yew

fado.

2012-01-26T08:26:00.000-08:00

have you heard about Fado?

i've this deep love for the passion
and emotion of the music.

i've only shared with people i've
felt closed with.

i wonder does she remembers.

for i only myself have also forgotten.

except for today.

i brought some close friends to introduce
an old veteran friend. who is aged more
than we are. who have known more than we are.
who have experience life for more we are.

i've introduced her to her.

to people i've felt very much attached with.

even though she have changed.
and have moved on, i believed in some
significantly way, the music, fado, have
changed her.

i wonders if she had understand the
compassion of the music then.
she was so young. and i had her.

oh-my, such wondrous things i've shared
with her, beyond her age. i wonders sometimes
whether she remembers, what she has now,
does it matters, or has she forgotten.

the pain, it doesn't matter, for what matters
is the feeling we had, and how painful and joyous
it was, the memory of in the capsules of our
heads.

does it retain, or has it sustains, and fades away....

i believe, in her age, it slowly forgets,
slowly detach, that one day she will remember,
only when she ages, when she ripens,
she understands, the age.

the life, of immortality that doesn't last forever,
that doesn't sustain it's compassion and excitement,
that everything dies in the end, that everything
only matters is the idealistic you have of it,
of life.

i miss you, not as much as i miss fado though,
for i remember today, is the compassion you
have for life, for you. funny, how long ago
i valued your life, for i still do, but in
a different way.

and it is today, a special visit of an old friend,
a very old friend, with new young friends, that
have reminded of life, of how short it is,
of how it is pointless to wait for something
to ripen, for when it is already is, and only
a matter of denial of remaining the youth,
for i am, for i am it, for i am is,
is,

sustain.

home

2012-01-25T04:45:00.000-08:00

watching/listening to this again and again
makes me feel that i've not done enough in my life,
there are places i should be going,
people i haven't fall in love with.

the potential is so big!

the world is so big.

wait for me, dear.

wait for me.

-chinyew

2012-01-05T22:40:00.000-08:00

As human beings we all make mistakes. We sin. But, people who are bad make a lifelong, regular habit out of it and have very little, if any, sense of remorse. Actually, they rather enjoy it. There's a sense of autonomy, self-determination, and blazing one's own path that seems to thrive in a person who recognizes no rules but his/her own and no authority other than the desires of his/her own heart.

i found this article when I was googling for 'Is Obama a bad man?'
by reading the above, i instantly could think of someone i used
to know. do you feel like one? that's because i'm talking about
you :P

Anyway, here's the entire article:

http://www.americanthinker.com/2011/06/barack_obama_is_a_bad_man.html#ixzz1iesA6DA0

wow, we're at TED.com (not quite :(

2012-01-03T06:36:00.001-08:00

Wow, this could have been us up there eh?
Imagine how crazy it would have been,
if there have mentioned us.

anyway, here was my comment for the video
at Ted.com

wow!

2005, i quit my job, rented a room and painted
40 canvases in 30 days via updated daily
on a blog, www.30dayartist.com
since, we had various artists from around
the world participating the same challenge
at the site.

Matt Cutts' 3 minutes video made so much
impact as compared to the blog i've ran
for 5 years (which recently just closed down)
I agree 110% of what he had said, and have
been presenting the same message every where i go.

i'm shocked to have stumbled upon this
presentation and it gave me goose-bumps
knowing that someone else shares the same
views as i have of the 30-days-movement
so passionately. (a thought of that i could have
been the one up there crosses my mind briefly :P)

i was a printing sales guy before i did
the challenge on 2005. since, i've ventured
myself into the art world, published books+
comics, appeared on television+newspaper+etc,
invited for speeches, direct tv shows and
presently directing TV commercials.

my next goal would be to direct my own
feature someday and maybe bring home
an Oscar to my country.

crazy? yeah, that's what 30 days of
devotion to something you believe in
can do to you. it builds your confidence,
forces you to deal with your demons+negative+
laziness, (sometimes) forces good
art out of you, and also make peace
with the bad ones.

Out of the 40 works/paintings, i'm definitely
sure there will be at least 1 masterpiece.

Setting a target of 40 works in that 30 days
also forces you to better time manage your
work as an artist. painting 1 a day is too
comfortable, and I believe sometimes
'comfort' is a distraction to an artist.

additionally, posting on a blog via daily
pressures you to post/work daily just so
you won't be embarrass and disappoint
your viewers. the comment box in the blog
also helps when the audiences shouts
at you for not working, and also encourages
at time.

so-yeah, i 110% agree with what Matt said
and encourages anyone to go and give the
30 days challenge a try.

cheers to all and peace.

2011-12-28T10:57:00.000-08:00

"If you come to Indonesia you'll understand why; nobody gives a shit. it is just IS, and not whether what works better or doesn't, it's just 'time'. and the people here have too much of it. so even if you throw them the most awesome-ness treatment for them, is just IT. in a general rule, this applies to almost everything in Indonesia, "more about quantity rather than quality." so don't go waste your time thinking about it rather go spend more time writing stuff you think what works best for you!"

Day 258: merry Xmas

2011-12-24T10:00:00.000-08:00

as some of you must have noticed
that 30dayartist hasn't have any
artist since for the longest time.

to those who still revisit this site
religiously. (even i myself am not
clicking on it already.)

as for writing-blogging.

it's been a while.

reason being, my fear of mispelling,
bad grammar, bad typing, etc, etc.

the fear, which this site workships.

the fear of beginning.
the ending.
the result.

we all fear, yet we bravely tell
people that 'we are an artist.'

(even though it's only for the 30 days.)

i've fear to claim myself that since.

too many artist have, i won't say fail,
but have given up and fear.

it's not so much of the fear rather than
the giving up.

never give up.

cause once you do,

it's gone.

it's over.

you've lost it.

i haven't quite.

just taking a break by making money.

now i sell my talent.

that works for people,

not so much for myself these days,

but-what's important is that it serves
a purpose in serving people.

making sure people get what they should
get, the holy-all-holla-crap, the mystic of beauty.

i sell art.

we all sell.

it's the only matter of when your art is not
selling, what's next?

i chose this.
to be here.
to work.
to live.

i found work
and worked.

pays enough.
won't say large,
but liveable.

more liveable then i was back home.

but still home is home.

am good.

hope you all are well too.

i am still here to stay.

whoever still keen of giving this
process a kick, email me.

meanwhile, thank you to all past
30dayartists who had did it.

all big+small single posts from you,
i'm deeply eternity grateful for.

some made it, some fail.

but-so what?

bite me.

cheers and Merry Christmas!

(just in-case i don't see you,
have a happy new year too! :)

p/s: all files from the original site
are backup and in my safe keeping
of several hardisk copies.

i'm finding a way to upload them
for free.

and for those who just jump aboard,
i'll try my best to detail the entire thing
to you along the days.

cheers.

Day 148: Sleep

2011-08-07T07:43:00.001-07:00

-chinyew

Day 147: Steady

2011-08-06T09:42:00.001-07:00

Work. And guitar.

-chinyew

Day 146: TV

2011-08-05T11:19:00.000-07:00

Came home from work and
watched TV.

-chinyew

Day 145: Cut reel

2011-08-04T03:55:00.000-07:00

Spent the entire day at the post house
cutting my new reel.

Got to start spreading it around.

-chinyew

Day 144: Swimming and thinking

2011-08-03T09:06:00.000-07:00

No work today. Took a long walk.
Different route that I used to
take. Found some interesting
places.

Came back and took a swim.
Really long swim.

I like the silence in water.

-chinyew

Day 143: Running out of words

2011-08-02T09:47:00.000-07:00

What do you write when yr day
becomes a routine? When everything's
the same? Do you stop?

-chinyew

Day 142: August again?

2011-08-01T09:18:00.001-07:00

It's August again. Should be making art.
But am not. Maybe just do a sketch or
something? Tried picking up the pencil.
Nothing.

August again. Month of Ramadhan.
I remembered last year vividly
of steamboats and malls.

Miss eating roti jalar.

Went to the post house today.
Was outside while the director
presented the cut to the agency
and client. room was too small
to packed everyone in.

Feel so bored. Like I should be
doin more. i want to feel busy.
i want my mind to only filled
with work.

wish i was numb and heartless.
wish i had less feelings for
anything.

can't believe August is here again.

-chinyew

Day 141: Sitting there just watching

2011-07-31T09:04:00.001-07:00

Woke up. Made breakfast. Then had
a run, swim, basketball. The usual.
Am finding as much things to do
alone.

Watched some movies.

Checked out some other kost house.
Worried the coming 3 months i won't
be able to pay the rent. the other
places i found lately are really
dodgy and crappy. and for the price
it's not worth it at all.

the place am living is still the best.

was in the pool and was thinking how
cool if my friend were with me now.

so i messaged everyone. hoping they
would come this august.

till then, it's only me and my cans
of Guinness.

-chinyew

Day 140: Cycle of life

2011-07-30T11:54:00.000-07:00

Just watched Harry Porter finale.
Can't believe 10 years just went
like that. a decade.

Started when I was only 20.
Now 30. And finished it watching
in Jakarta. As I walked out the
cinema, I was reflecting what
I was doing a year ago.

Those were one of the happiest
days of my life.

I recalled buying roti jalar
and eating in my car, minutes
before buka puasa at Taman Tun.

ah-fuck.

got to put it behind me now.

-chinyew

Day 139: Pay and Rent

2011-07-29T09:31:00.000-07:00

Thus is life,
money in, money out.

Went to the production house today
to get my pay. Came back home,
immediately used half of it and
paid my rent.

i'm lucky even to get a gig
of assisting direct this month.

have been saving on food.
can food and instant noodle.

am lucky sometimes to eat at
production and post houses.

that's what they say,
you always suffer when you're
starting out.

i've been 'starting out' too many
times.

but i guess Jakarta is my last straw.
if this doesn't cut it, i don't
know what will.

meanwhile i'm sustaining well.

come on board, somebody give me a bloody
board! i'll do any spot!

-chinyew

Day 138: Work=Food

2011-07-28T10:11:00.000-07:00

Called mom. It was great to hear
her voice. A familiar voice.
Hadn't spoken Cantonese
for a long time.

Had my run. On my way back,
I went to the bagel store and
paid them for yesterday.

Then had my swim.

Went to the post house at late
afternoon. Had my lunch and
dinner there.

Came back and watched more
TV.

TV.

TV.

-chinyew

Day 137: Good restoration

2011-07-27T22:30:00.000-07:00

Naturally woke up early. Went back
to sleep directly. Body needs the rest.
Could still feel my legs sore.

Went for a swim. I love the sun
at the pool. Rejoice the very moment
I dive into it. Love how the water
make my body feels. Good recovery.

Took my time in the pool.

Later bought a bagel. Forgot
to pay and walked-off.
Their Thailand ice tea is fantastic.

Watched a couple of episodes
of a HK series. It's been awhile.

Had some time to read.

It feels bloody fantastic to relax
after a previous day of hard work.

Work starts again tomorrow.

-chinyew

Day 135: Safe and smooth

2011-07-26T06:25:00.000-07:00

It's the true, the more you do, the better you get.
Learn from mistakes. Made a few during the shoot.
But after this shoot, I'm quite sure that I won't
be making anymore the next one.

Building the relationship quite well with
the production house and agency.
Atleast they know my deep intention of
directing. They said they might have
something for me and will call me.
Thrilled! But won't put my hopes too
high. Just got to concentrate of what
I'm doing first, which is assisting the
director. Am still very thankful and
feel very blessed with the opportunity
that i given to me.

Wrapped on time.
The moment it wrapped, my legs
gave in. Had trouble walking.
I've overworked them.

Came back home bout 12am and
called for reflexology.

Had the most tiring sleep ever.

-chinyew

Day 134: Day 1 of Bank Shoot

2011-07-25T10:35:00.001-07:00

Good so far.
Everything on time.

Was given a chance to cue the shots
and call the camera roll. Calling
Action and Cut.

Everytime I shoot, the early wake
up, late sleep and long period
of standing, screws up my diet,
toilet and foot aches.

It's almost 1am. Tomorrow call
time at 5:30am. That's like 4
and half hour of sleep.

Till tomorrow.

-chinyew

Day 133: Check set and ready to go

2011-07-24T06:01:00.000-07:00

Woke up early, had my run,
then swim.

Went to the production house,
then to location to check set.

Exciting. All are ready.
Briefed the team. Client
good with the talent.

Tomorrow an early day. 4am.

i realized since i started
following the world news,
the world's a pretty grim
place.

so many minds. so many ideology.

it's 8pm. shall go sleep now.

-chinyew

Day 132: The Spirit Carries On

2011-07-23T12:41:00.000-07:00

Odd day. I get a lot of dejavu.
Had my early run today.
Then bought a bagel on the way
back. Love bagels. Reminded me
of Harvey Pekar.

Was at production house today.
Looks like we got our talent.
Will be shooting in 2 days.

1 to be exact. A day after tomorrow.

Just heard the news that Amy WInehouse
died. Not really a fan. But it's sad to hear
a talented person dying at the age of 27.

Why so many talented musicians dies
at 27?

What's with the number?

I was born on the date 27th.

-chinyew

Day 131: Tricky-tricky

2011-07-22T08:42:00.000-07:00

Hiccups at work.
Last minute the client didn't like the
talent. Only 2 more days to shoot
and we still have trouble finding the
main.

Things get really tricky if the shoot
is canceled, that means no income
for me this month.

Credit card bill is piling up back
in KL. with my phone bills and insurance.

should i cut off my phone bill and
insurance since i'm no longer based
in kl anymore?

this final action would really meant
cutting of my last bond with kl.

and finalizing, jakarta is my home now.

tricky-tricky.

-chinyew

Day 130: Me love food, who doesn't?

2011-07-21T11:32:00.001-07:00

stating the obvious.

eating carefully. properly.
been rushing like crazy lately.
with schedule and work.

hadn't got time to sit down
properly and enjoyed a meal.

bad for health.

but i've stopped smoking.
permanently.
can't stand the smoke smell.
can't picture myself ever
picking up another cigarette.
ever.

now drinking, i can't stop.

love drinking.

especially my Guinness.

been longing to go to the
pub across the place i live.

but am broke. and tired.

been a long day today.

cooked indomee again.
which is bad. instant noodle.
takes awhile for it to digest
in the body.

tomorrow another long day.

till tomorrow.

-chinyew

Day 129: Early day again

2011-07-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

Had an early day again today.
Went to the production house,
then recce with the rest of
the production team.

then went back to production house
to do casting.

blending well with the production
in-house team.

another early day tomorrow.

same o same o.

-chinyew

Day 128: Recce and scheming

2011-07-19T19:20:00.001-07:00

Woke up real early for recce.
To check out a golf course for shoot.

All seems fine.

A day packed with work,
but i've ran out of words to elaborate.

Might be getting jaded soon.

Came back home and still had to
prepare the scheduling for the shoot.
Used to hate doing the scheduling
process and just leave it entirely to
my assistant director.

It took me awhile to get the hang of
it, but now it seems almost exciting
and fun again.

scheming.

-chinyew

Day 127: Movies and conversation

2011-07-18T10:05:00.000-07:00

Stuck in traffic jam like crazy today.
Was able to finish watching 2 movies.

Had coffee and beef pie inside the car.

Then meeting with a bank for a commercial
shoot. Will be ADing for it. Quite a major
shoot with 12 Mercedes C-Class and S-Class.

Not doin so financially well though.

Director told me that he might need
the Macbook he loaned me cause his
wife's broken.

Got to find funds soon for a new Mac.
It's a work tool which I'll have to
invest in. My netbook just doesn't
cut it.

Sigh.

Oh-money, oh-money, where are thou?
Thee need you.

-chinyew

Day 126: 3 rounds and a sound

2011-07-17T06:59:00.000-07:00

as ordinary as any day can be.

always thought i was alone back home.

now i'm truly alone.

know what it feels to wake up,
make your own meals,
and the tv is yr only friend.

i choose this.

i want this.

-chinyew

Day 125: Time is my biggest enemy

2011-07-16T12:21:00.000-07:00

time is really flying.
am afraid of aging.
am 30. and seems time
really flies. fast.

i looked at myself in the mirror.
i've aged. some white hair.
wrinkles.

some man hold their age proudly.

so much to do. so little time.

sometimes i can't remember
have i taken my pills.
cause everyday seem to be
so repetitive.

i'm thankful to God that
i'm still alive. that i'm
surviving. still able to
pay my bills. still able
to feed myself.

health and age is what
i fear most. that i'll lose
my health to the polluted air
here and the sometimes dirty
food.

am only worried that i'll
age so fast that i'm behind
where i'm supposed to be.

am eager to direct my first
commercial. am eager to direct
my first feature. am eager
to finish and publish my graphic
novel. am eager to live at
the city i want to live.

the repetitiveness of everyday
pains my eagerness.

-chinyew

Day 124: Transformers

2011-07-15T12:21:00.000-07:00

Finally the tax issue between the government
and film importers are settled. it's almost
4 months since we got any blockbuster
movies in Jakarta.

Finally i can succumb to my cinema fix.

Now let's hope I'm able to catch Harry Porter
and X-Men.

I love going to the cinemas. Even though
if it's a crappy movie, I would still go
to one every week.

I'm so used to goin alone.

And then things changed.

And much later, things reverted
back to being alone again.

But I do enjoy watching it with someone.
Especially the walk after a movie.

Was in a mall today after the meeting.
Only b-grade movies were showing.
Didn't had the mood to watch.
Not today atleast.

-chinyew

Day 123: Back to work

2011-07-14T08:49:00.000-07:00

Is not that i haven't been working.
For the last 7 days since director
had left for holiday, i've been
inside my room, watching movies,
downloading and viewing tutorials
of the film camera. catching up with
lenses and lighting.

i've learned about them back before
i became a director in KL. when i
was still a production assistant,
i spent most of my time learning
the whole science of production.
and when i became a director,
i tend to slowly forgot about
it. i rely mostly on my team.
besides, we were shooting mostly
on the digital video camera,
low budget television series
that prioritize speed rather
than quality.

our camera is mostly set in
auto mode and given only an
additional wide angle lens.

thus, i'm here, no longer spoon-fed,
i've got to buckle up.

these days if you're hardworking
and intense enough, you can get any
tutorial in the internet. you can
be anyone or any profession.

but-still,
even though 'knowledge' is power,
it's the people you know and your
personality that eventually lands
you the job.

-chinyew

Day 122: 4 white walls and 1 white ceiling

2011-07-13T22:28:00.000-07:00

Some asked why do i live in
such expensive place.
to me, it's not expensive,
it's decent.

for me, the ceiling and walls
are important. nothing fancy,
as long it's clean and white.

you'll be surprise how hard
it is to find a room like
that in Jakarta.

i like white walls and ceilings.

it's what i'll be seeing for
a long consecutive of time.
and i think it helps with one's
psychology and mental state.

every morning when i open my
eyes, i see the white ceiling.

every tiring day coming back home,
the moment i open the door,
i see the white walls.

me like white.

:D

-chinyew

Day 121:Run it all out

2011-07-12T11:15:00.000-07:00

a close friend who is also working overseas
text me saying he was feeling depress.

i replied stating that i understood exactly
what he meant and that he should try running
it out, it might help. he said it was great idea.
i replied to him, "yeah-thanks, now i myself
gonna go for a run." he replied "sorry."

after leaving the production house,
picked up my passport, i walked into
McDees, thinking maybe i should buy
dinner for tonight. as i studied what
to order, i suddenly remembered
a promise i made with a friend long time
ago that i should stop eating McDees for
a year. i also promised her to live
healthier. and so i did;

i've stopped smoking almost a month.
run and swim an average of 3 times a week.
taking multiple supplements. eat healthy.

i need to live longer. i need to earn
more money. for a better life, longer life.

i walked out McDees empty handed.

once i put my bag into my room,
i instantly changed, grab my iphone,
and then my sneakers, my comfortable
nike free. looked at it for a moment,
i forced the memories back in.

and i ran.

i keep pushing myself further
and faster for every run.

run till i see stars.

run till i'm out.

-chinyew

Day 120: shall be it.

2011-07-11T21:43:00.000-07:00

120 days.

it feels weird waking up
to a place that your are
not familiar, thinking
that you are still home,
'where the fuck..**'

it takes me awhile to
register and realizing,
'oh...'

i wake up and sit at the edge
of the bed and repeatedly tell myself,
'this is home now, this is home now.'

then i freshen up myself,
make breakfast and watch TV news
over it.
'this is the world.'

i usually have time to do some
running or just some basic exercise
before i head to work, walk out
and reach for a cab and smell the
horrible air.
'welcome to Jakarta.'

at work, i struggle with the language
due to how my brain is embedded with
bahasa malaysia that sound almost similar
yet significantly different from the
bahasa indonesia. colleagues laugh
and seems sincere enough to correct me,
only realizing a couple days later
from the cab driver's laughter,
that i've been tricked, worse, he said
he has no change for the fare.
they always fuckin don't have
change for the fare.
'this is indonesia.'

walked to the pub and people greeted
me by my name, welcoming me.
i ordered my usual Guinness, dinner,
and leaved a big tip afterwards.
people bids me farewell and shake
my hand asthough i just left a wedding.
'this is indonesia.'

got back to my room, shower,
do some some pull ups till
i fuckin can't feel my arms,
i die down, lay myself on bed,
look at the flat-white ceiling
and think to myself,

'this is my life now,

and shall be it.'

-chinyew

Day 119: Games of Thrones and a cut.

2011-07-10T12:35:00.000-07:00

Couldn't wake up at 5am.
Slept at 3am. Been watching
episodes of Games of Thrones.
i love HBO series.

just finished the last episode.
3am.

cut my thumb just now as i
attempt to cut open the
ice cream plastic box.

cut's pretty deep.

a few days ago as i was washing
the dishes, and my fruit knife,
i thought to myself what happens if
i accidentally cut myself. like
cutting off a finger. what would
i do? i don't even know the
emergency no. to call in Jakarta.
it'll be scary.

it's weird really.

then i was just in a pool.
floating, looking up the sky,
i suddenly thought of an old
friend i haven't heard awhile.
then that same evening, she
emailed me.

watched TV, a series was quoting
from the book Secret.

my thumb's cut is pretty deep.
googled how to stop the bleeding
and when it's too serious that
i should get medical help.

it's been an hour i think,
and bleeding's slowing down.

maybe if i focus with my mind,
i can make the bleeding stop.

-chinyew

Day 118: Peace

2011-07-09T08:18:00.000-07:00

My home country's having a rally.
Quite major one. 'Rally' is a nicer
way of saying 'demonstration'.

so much anger.

some of my friends went for it.

i followed the news on tv and
web stream closely. i miss home.

interesting day today with
the South Sudan gaining independence,
and Egypt demonstrating again.
seem to overshadowed Malaysia's rally.

to clear my head, i went for a run.
then a swim. came back and made
dinner. fried rice. called mom.

there's a Sunday Morning Run tomorrow.
think i'm goin. 6am. gawdddd....

-chinyew

Day 117: Cook Rice

2011-07-08T12:10:00.000-07:00

Went to a post production house
today to discuss the process
of the next shoot.

Bank commercial. It's exciting
to AD a shoot which is not food
or product.

After the meeting I went to get
my first haircut in Jakarta.
I always get my haircut with
a stylist in Malaysia.

Not too bad the outcome.

Later went to did some grocery shopping.

There was an art store.
Bought an Ox hair brush and
black drawing ink. I only uses
my windsor newton brush and ink.
but thought i give other brands
a try. hand held a brush for so long.

shall see if i'll ever use it.

bought a rice cooker. rice. can food.
pan. oreos. vegetables. fruits. shampoo.

learned when you go shopping alone,
careful not to buy more than you can
carry.

it was crazy trying to get a cab
with my hands overwhelmed.

reached home. cooked my first rice.
made my first dinner. so tired of
eating instant noodles and powder
formed soup.

today is about giving in and
adapting.

-chinyew

Day 116: No work and play. (not really)

2011-07-07T08:49:00.000-07:00

no work today.

stayed in my room
and watched movies.

cooked spaghetti.

went for a swim.

watched more movies.

probably gonna watch another one.

-chinyew

Day 115: Work and no play

2011-07-06T12:23:00.000-07:00

Had an early call today.
Rushed to the post house.

Waited till evening, went
to a production meeting.

A bank commercial shoot which
I'm gonna AD.

Came back home. Showered.
Tomorrow director's heading
for holiday.

I walked to the bar. 2am.
Enough time to finish 2 Guinness.

Walked back home. Lay on bed.
Looking at the ceiling.

Slowly doze off.

-chinyew

Day 114: Nightmares

2011-07-05T09:08:00.000-07:00

been getting nightmares lately.
past memories.
very disturbing.

5am, i forced myself back to sleep.

keep praying to God for me to
forget.

woke up 8am. body feels tired.
forced myself back to sleep.

12pm. had to wake up.
need to be at immigration office
by 2pm.

didn't felt hungry. ate a piece
of bread and drank water.

reached immigration office.
noticed most officers were
wearing slippers.

had my picture taken and fingerprints
scanned.

head of to director's house. only reaching
there, meeting canceled. took a pajai home
and called for laundry.

made tomato soup for dinner. and bread.

did some work.

watched some TV.

10pm.

thought a run could help.

bad idea. at night there's when
people burn their rubbish.
could smell plastic.

but still i ran. as fast as i could.

came back exhausted.
showered. ate fruits.

probably gonna do a little more
work before i head to bed.

-chinyew

Day 113: Socializing

2011-07-04T09:59:00.001-07:00

Woke up, make egg toast.
Then watched a movie.

Head to audio post.
It was great to see uncle.
Had white wine. Then meeting.

It was interesting seeing
how everyone clicked.

Then joined for audio recording.

Later we had Japanese food
with the agencies.

I listened to many of their
interesting conversation.

Got to pick up my
The Art of Mingling book again.

-chinyew

Day 112: Routine

2011-07-03T09:08:00.000-07:00

Woke up. Watched a movie.
Then had my run. Swim.

Came back home, made lunch.

Then went to director's house,
only half way, meeting canceled.

Paid the patjai(mini motor cum. car) guy
5 thousand, that's the amount i used
to pay. he said not enough and asked
for 10. argued with him that i usually
pay 5. he persist he wanted it.
so i gave him another 2.

had dinner at friend's house.
finally, some home cooked food.

then skyped with buddy from malaysia.
it was great chatting in my malaysian-english
accent.

then went to the cinema with friend
and wifey.

watched a local movie.
didn't had subtitles.
but still i enjoyed it.
pretty touching.

received a brochure of an apartment.
thinking of purchasing it cause it's
so cheap. almost like paying my monthly
rental now. might as well i buy
my own place right?

but it's not so easy, especially
without a permanent salary, the bank
wouldn't loan me any money.

only way is to ask from my parents.
hadn't ask from them for awhile.
hadn't even give them any money for
awhile.

another way is to get my first directing
gig and halleluya!

-chinyew

Day 111: Pffft!

2011-07-02T11:11:00.000-07:00

Woke up. Felt really lazy.
Forced myself to sleep in longer.

Woke up, had lunch, then watched
a movie. Korean action-packed.
Pretty good.

Read a little.

Then slept again.

Sun was shining in.
Wind blowing.
Felt peaceful,
yet a lonesome feeling.

Woke up late evening.
Messaged uncle for dinner.
Met up, had duck rice.
Then went over to his place
to play FIFA. missed the cats.
Uncle gave me his medical pillow
which i've been searching for
everywhere.

went back home.
watched tv.
took my pills.

off to bed.

-chinyew

Day 110: Tough

2011-07-01T10:37:00.000-07:00

No work for this coming month,
cause the current production
house the director is working
for already has an assistant
director.

means no pay this month.
means gotto watch on my
spending this month.

no fear, instant noodle
and white bread shall be
my friend.

no more drinking for me.
no more bars.
no more junk food.

no fancy food or cakes.

shall go on diet this month.

i'll live through it.

missing home.

missing special friend.

stupid. stupid. stupid.

-chinyew

Day 109: Nothingness

2011-06-30T05:49:00.000-07:00

Woke up 8am.
Had my run, and then swim.

Made breakfast. Toast and cereal.

Went to post house. While waiting
for director, I read. About
the film camera. Tough stuff.
Feels like studying for school
again.

Came back home. Bought more
bread. Made dinner. Macaroni.

Watched a movie.

At the balcony. Looking out.
Skyscrapers. Breath.

Hate the air.

Shower.

Sleep.

-chinyew

Day 108: bye bye WHN9190

2011-06-29T08:53:00.000-07:00

My car in Malaysia was sold today.

That marks goodbye to the car that
have been with me for more than 10 years.
Since I was in college. Since I had
my first girlfriend. And also my last.

Drove that car to many places.
Friends, girls, families, colleagues.

Sentimental person; i find it very
hard to say goodbyes.

Seeing things go.

Luckily I'm not back home to see
it been driven away.

Not once my car for that 10 years
gave me any serious problem or
thinned my wallet rapidly.

work was okay today.
presented to client the final cut.
she was pretty satisfied with it.

ran in the morning. bout 5km.
came back, then swam.

body should be really exhausted now.

shall sleep.

-chinyew

Day 107: Amazing popping Part 2

2011-06-28T07:29:00.000-07:00

Continuation from yesterday,

as we wrapped, the client
walked up to me and shake
my hand and said,

"well, it was great working
with a Martell Rising Personality."

i froze a moment.

it felt weird hearing something
from another part of my world
popping here in Jakarta.

it was like a sudden water splash
into my face and waking up
from a dream.

for a short moment, 2 consciousness
exist; my artist self back in KL
and an assistant director in Jakarta.

never once since my escapade here in Jakarta,
i ever experience both of this 2 worlds
as one.

apparently the client was one
of the judges for the award back in KL.

that very moment, the director walked pass
and heard the conversation and joined us.
then another agency guy.

it was crazy. suddenly from an assistant
director that runs up and down,
i suddenly became the artist i once was.

felt a little ashamed that the judge
was there to see me like this now.

the director asked the client what
that award was about, and he replied
that it was an award to people who
have strive in their industry.

looked how much i've strive now.

as i slept last night, sequences of scenes
what inflicted me to come to Jakarta, came
flashing back.

i keep hearing voices people telling
me how talented i was, how successful
i was, yet they are not willing to
pay me the proper fees. kept telling
me 'not for this one, maybe the next one,
let's just do this one first, k?'

thanks, but no thanks.

-chinyew

Day 106: Amazing popping Part 1

2011-06-27T12:33:00.000-07:00

a good day.

woke up, and was late a little
for my call time.

came back home last night,
and instantly crash into
sleep.

shoot went fine. had the chance
to direct the actors again.

was pretty good.

had fun with the crew too.

i was working great with the
actors.

i learned from the last producer
i worked with, treat my actors
right and it'll benefit my future.

i used to treat extras or even
the actors very mean. abused them
like my tool. having the director
ego thinking that i'm better than
them, and i own them.

i was wrong.

aDing the actors today in a very
nice manner, i realized i really
enjoyed working with them.
and they too. even got them to
perform really well.

stressing them out just only
pisses yrself off and causes
them to feel nervous and deducts
their performances.

being friendly helps alot.

i stayed away from the crazy producer
today. i can't stand working with
him anymore. some people just think
that they are always right. and that's
difficult to work with. and thinking
so full of yrself only shows yr
weakness that clouds yrself from
realizing and fixing yr flaws.

told my director that i would
not work with this producer if he
himself is not working on it.

for me it's not so much about
the money. it's more about getting
yr own worth.

i'm very sensitive of the subject
of being manipulated and exploited.

i rather starve than getting paid
by someone who looks down on you.

will share more of today's experience
tomorrow.

tired. need sleep.

-chinyew

Day 105: More pizzas...

2011-06-26T09:32:00.000-07:00

Another day of shoot of pizzas.
only had bout 2 hours sleep.
bloody tired.

5am on locations.

just wrapped at 11pm.

only got bout another 6 hours
more to sleep till tomorrow.

hungry.

don't feel like eating anymore
instant noodle.

wished i had more food stored
at home.

but what is there to eat for
a single bachelor?

shall force myself to sleep.

now.

-chinyew

Day 104: Shopping and movie

2011-06-25T12:34:00.001-07:00

After telecine, i went to a mall.
bought some stuff; running pants,
goggles, socks, pens, envelopes
and almost bought another pair
of shoes. shoes in jakarta is pretty
cheap. no idea why.

had dinner, then watched a movie.
sucked.

came back home.

not sleepy.

it's bloody 2.30am.

call time tomorrow 5.40am.

fuck.

-chinyew

Day 103: Goin well.

2011-06-24T00:31:00.000-07:00

2nd day of shoot.
Great success today.
Didn't get any scolding
from the director.

All went well.

Even had the chance to
shoot and direct a
workshop for the next shoot.

Yep, that's how crazy the workflow
here in Jakarta. While shooting one,
we're preparing at location for
the next one.

Presented the talents that I shot
to the director. He liked it and
told me to presented it the same
to the clients. I froze a moment.
And he looked at me sharply,
'Yeah, I want you to do it.'
Was happy and scared at the same
time. Imagine someone who is in
the highest level of the chain,
hands down an important task
to you.

almost felt like the king
knighting you.

i presented the talents to the client
and agency. it all seemed okay.
was abit nervous so I guess i didn't
performed my fullest like i usually
do back when i was directing television.

it's always fear that withholds
the confidence.

and confidence determines the quality
of performances.

eliminate fear.

and start thinking like a director.

-chinyew

Day 102: More pizza shoot

2011-06-23T11:00:00.001-07:00

Early day. 5 am.
Shoot. Pizza commercial again.
It's my 3rd. Starting to get
used to food commercial.

had a long talk with the
director of photography.
learned so much from him.

so sick and tired of eating pizzas.

came back home, tired, and shall
sleep.

tomorrow day 2 of shoot. 5 am.
less than 4 hours to sleep.

goodnight.

-chinyew

Day 100 & 101

2011-06-22T08:34:00.000-07:00

Missed 1 day of post.
Will explain why.

One day you get discouraged,
next day you get encouraged.

we're all very dependent beings.

praises, works. and insults, hurts.

the highlight of the day
was on the way back home
from the post house.

shared a cab with the director.

he gave me advise of stepping up.

encouraged me to be careful of blending
myself with the rest of the pack.

i've to stand out from the pack.

i've to be aware of everything.

i've to know of everything.

i've to have the answers.

cause it's the very key moment when
the agency throws you a question,
and you providing them the right answer,
that's when they know that they can trust you.

we're talking about a job that pays
you USD10k per day.

we're talking about project that worth
billion of dollars.

we're talking about the branding
reputation of high profile companies.

the question you really got to ask yrself,
who the fuck are you, and why should
they give you the job where thousands of
people are fighting for.

that one very chair that everybody wants
to sit.

i want to sit.

came back home and quickly pulled out
my books on film production. didn't showered,
didn't changed, just read and read till i fell
asleep.

woke up, continued reading till the cab came
and went to the audio post house.

am back now, am posting this.

shall continue my reading.

tomorrow, day 1 of a 4 day shoot.

-chinyew

Day 99: Crazy

2011-06-20T22:21:00.001-07:00

Another crazy day at work.
get fucked by producer.
even if i did everything properly,
still get fucked.
even for his own mistakes,
i get fucked.

after all the craziness,
reached home. the moment
i entered my room,
i crashed myself to the bed.
room vibrates like a ripple
effect.

ahh..speaking of 'ripple',
wished i've brought my Dave Cooper's Ripple.
really love the artwork and story.
really miss art.

with all the craziness goin on here,
i tend to miss my art more.

but i've to keep telling myself.
art brings me no money,
and this, this shit, this craziness
does.

but it doesn't mean i don't fancy
what i do now. well-not exactly,
i enjoy directing, but ADing is a
whole different ball game.
even after you've moved on to
directing, you tend to slowly
forget yr ADing skill. try giving
an establish director to AD for
another director. it'll be a mess.
i'm not saying everyone, maybe some can.
i think i can. i fuckin can.
i'm just saying it requires some time
to tune yrself back.

it doesn't help with all these craziness
given. it can sometime, but it doesn't
kill to give back some encouragement
to boost back the morality.
i realized that now. being here has given
me a whole new perspective of directing.

*&*%$# just can't wait to start
fuckin directing again.

anyway, getting all this craziness,
i reflect back when i was a
director in KL, i gave the craziness
to my team. and it doesn't work
i guess. it only stresses them
out more, and deflects performances.

i keep thinking, why am I getting
fucked so often, maybe it's my karma.
have i really deteriorate since after
so long I assisted anyone? have i been
spoon-fed for too long, i forgot
how's it feel to pick up a spoon myself.

whatever it is, i'm here and i gotto
do it.

no turning back, no art. that's what
i keep telling myself everyday.

every fuckin day.

-chinyew

Day 98: Not so long ago..

2011-06-19T20:12:00.000-07:00

a year ago at this moment,
i'm drawing my mini comics
and selling them in an
art fair.

i become a different person
whenever i'm selling my art.
i'm proud and confident.

today i'm drawing storyboard
for commercial.

so want to be in that event
now. having my own booth.
setting and decorating it up.

timing's been crazy here.
revising boards, prepping
for shoots.

something's terribly wrong
with health.

need more sleep, eat more proper food.

i've chosen this path.
it's hard to cruise through it
smoothly.

drawing the storyboard now,
i imagine how much fun the artists
are having now in KL in that art fair.

drawing the storyboard now,
i misses my artist life.

as i held my pencil i suddenly realized,
i'm fuckin here.

i'm fuckin here.

-chinyew

Day 97: steamboat

2011-06-18T07:56:00.000-07:00

3 months just went by.

time really flies.

yet, it feels like a never ending
day. like a trip that never ends.

health is very easily deteriorate
in Jakarta. been hearing stories
of misdiagnosed by doctors.
really scary stories.

it's tragic for some who couldn't
afford to go overseas for
treatment have to suffer.

most food are fried.

morning i had fried fish paste.
lunch i had fried chicken.
dinner i had fried fish.

i witness how they cooked the food.
god knows how many times they
have reused the same oil to fried
food.

it's been awhile since i had
japanese food. the thing about
japanese food is you have to
have friends to eat it with you
in able to order alot of the
small dishes.

i miss steamboat.

i miss eating steamboat in kl.

came back home from work.
turned on chet baker.
took the longest shower.

sigh.

-chinyew

Day 96: Friends

2011-06-17T00:40:00.000-07:00

miss my friends in KL.

a friend from KL came down
to Jakarta for work.

met up with him and had lunch,
then evening some drinks.

it was great hanging out with
an old friend. especially
so strange to walk down the streets
of Jakarta with a friend from
a different world.

hanging out with him really
made me felt the obvious
difference of socializing
in Jakarta and KL.

two different kind settings.
the economical condition plays
a very strong influential in
the way people interact and
social among one another.

people keep telling me
that i shouldn't expect to
find true friends here.

i still don't entirely believe
that to be true.

i'm sure eventhough behind all those
heavy coated friendliness there's
still some sincerity in them.

-chinyew

Day 95: Up-Down

2011-06-16T09:49:00.000-07:00

Some people bring you up.
Some like to put you down.

The ones you love most can
be the ones who hurt you most.

And sometimes the ones whom you dislike,
might be the ones who you'll be surprise
that might help you most in the time of need.

Only slept 3 hours since last night.
Woke up and had to ride the motorcycle
with a colleague to work. The traffic
and pollution of an early day in Jakarta
is really horrible. I'll try my very best
to avoid it.

I rather pay the cab than risk my life.
It's really dangerous and hazardous to
one's health. My mom will definitely
flip if she knew what I'm goin through
here.

Had fun casting the restaurant waitress
for the next commercial shoot.

Really tired now. Just got back.
12am. Shall sleep.

Luckily tomorrow's meeting is at 4pm.

-chinyew

Day 94: value

2011-06-15T09:35:00.000-07:00

a creative director shared some
pointers with me today.

'you are paying me for the years
of mistakes i've made that have
gotten me where i am now.
all the ladders i've to climbed.
all the hours i've spent watching
movies and reading. you are
paying for the 'me' that's inside
me.'

sometimes people question how
do we justify how much we worth
for each job.

what he told me gave me confidence.

we are building substance everyday.
growing our worth. our value.

our thoughts count.
our experience matters.

-chinyew

Day 93: sin city.

2011-06-14T10:37:00.001-07:00

really no idea how hard it is for
me. from reminiscing the days,
and now nothing.

how does it feel for you?
it seems easy.

how you expect me to feel, seeing
of what, another person.

what is being?
that i question everyday.
how can anyone from this changes to that,
so easily. transferring feelings to
another, merely as a click.

how do you even convince the other person?
how is the other person even to trust you
of yr sincerity? i feel stupid. for believing.
even when times was obvious. i feel even fuckin
stupid now to even dwell on this. even till today.

why?

have my feelings gone so deep that i can never
withdraw it back. jakarta teaches me this.

it's a sin city here.

meanwhile i'm still resisting.

but the more i think about it,
how stupid i was, and how unfair it
was. so cruel. how much i've given
in, and been taken granted for,
i am the only fool in this
whole entire world that would
dwell so much.

it is not fair, but you can never
get such security anymore.

good luck, not being hurt,
cause you will. i know, cause reflecting
to me now, i realized the only
most stupidest ever human being in the
world to able to look through all
your flaws and still be what i am
now, and not embracing this city,
this sinful city.

jakarta.

:P

-chinyew

Day 92: Not Junior.

2011-06-13T08:20:00.000-07:00

Had an early day. Finished storyboard pretty late.
Tired. Lack of sleep. Hated the feeling of half asleep
trying to get a cab in the busy street of Jakarta.

then had casting later evening. settling everything.
making sure everything's there for tomorrow's
production meeting.

i've written down a list of do's and dont's
in my journal. every mistakes made is logged.
every scolding i get is noted.

i want to be the ultimate of what i do.

got to direct really soon.

age is kicking in.

not a junior anymore.

-chinyew

Day 91: Start..

2011-06-12T10:16:00.000-07:00

Woke up, had to work.
Still no chance to find a local church.

Storyboard and assist directing.
Am taking 2 roles now.
Money is good.
Just gotto find ways to pay
rent and my credit card bills.

I always thought that I would never
have credit card.

Damn.

Starting not to care so much
anymore about things.

No point dwelling on things I can't
change.

Called mom today. Missed her.

I've never been away. Never left
home for college or anything.
This is the first time living
on my own. i'm a late bloomer.
at the age of 30, I'm only begun
to learn independently.

every day i feel like i'm growing.

i'm thankful that at least i've
a purpose to strive.

a dream to achieve.

-chinyew

Day 90: Progress

2011-06-11T10:25:00.000-07:00

Progress is good so far.
I've made friends with the local.
Producers, art directors, production houses.
People know me now. But at least to judge
whether am i good or not.

I'm trying my best everyday.
To be good.
To let go my past.
My life in KL.

They say why am I so stupid,
still doing things for the one
who have betrayed me.
I've not many years to come
to realization to the fact
that the ones who abandon and
have hurt me.

Why am I so stupid?
I live in a world of romance.
I believe.

But am I wrong?
The person who have wronged me,
have truly wronged me.
And have no excuse for that.

Using hate is easier to let go.

Should I have let go now?
It's been half a year.

Should I hate, in able to forget,
and stop giving excuses?

Have I given enough to realize
that it wasn't my fault?

Why do I blame myself?

Why do I hold on to the memory?

Why?

It is not fair.

I wasn't wrong, yet I'm the one who suffer.

Yet the one who is wrong, prosper in life.

Is this reality?

Is this life?

I should make myself cold,

and lay low on the alcohol.

;p

-chinyew

Day 89: Listening.

2011-06-10T10:10:00.000-07:00

went for telecine today for the commercial
that we just shot. nice place. ordered
roast duck. love the local roast duck.
very different from the ones i had in KL.

telecine for lipstick commercial is
interesting. had to match back the colors
of the product precisely.

after telecine had a talk with a local
friend sharing with me the ways of
Jakarta.

Jakarta is a very vibrant place.
there are some certain techniques
of getting along well with the flow
of the city. sociology issues.
turning on and off the joking side.
nothing's permanent or one-sided.

you must have two characters that
somehow makes that your character.
and you must be flexible in
changing them whenever.

it's really complicated.

he told me it took him 4 years atleast
to learn and be one now.

i wonder how long or will i ever
turn into one.

-chinyew

Day 88: Worth it.

2011-06-09T22:57:00.000-07:00

Wrapped at 4am. Body pushed for atleast
24 hours without sleep. Mid way through
was feeling really drain-out, then took
a dose of caffeine. boosted me up.

Was ok the shoot. Made less mistakes
compared to the last shoot. Phew..

Guess the more you do, you pick-up
new lessons through the mistakes you
make, the better you get.

My aim everyday is not to make anymore
mistakes. Even in life. Relationship.
I've become more extra careful
and cautious since the last.

Long time ago, my first producer told
me that 'paranoia is your greatest weapon.'

Been over protective of yrself is good.

Nobody likes to get hurt.

Everybody wants to win.

Hate assholes that hurt you just so
they won't.

But I guess the ones who get hurt
also benefits.

Win-win I guess.

-chinyew

Day 87: Mistakes

2011-06-08T10:31:00.000-07:00

Day 1 of shoot.
My first facial product commercial shoot.
admire how the talents can redo all
the takes of washing their face over and
over again.

Fun shoot today. Eventhough I made 2 mistakes.
Didn't check the conti of the talent properly.
And didn't test one of the product shot
before shoot.

But overall was ok. Came back home tired.
Cooked some mee. And gonna watch some
documentary to doze myself to sleep.
Till tomorrow, day 2 of shoot.

-chinyew

Day 86: Running and no thinking

2011-06-07T06:08:00.000-07:00

Woke up. Did my run. Tried again
to reroute to make sure i completely
miss the polluted car traffic.

rain. had to stop at a gas station.
had my lunch there. bought a crappy
burger. rain stopped a little.
i continued my run. suddenly it rained
again, I ran to a random house.
very modern nice architecture.
interesting, even had an automatic
sliding glass door. went in.
nobody. just saw alot of paintings
in locked glass room. strange,
this place has no signage at all.
walked out, with my horrible bahasa
indonesia i asked the guard what
place is this. he told me that it
was a private property. then i mentioned
bout the paintings i saw, he replied
like he just remembered that this place
gonna be a gallery soon. nice. 2 galleries
near to the place i live.

hmm, maybe i'm meant to stop art and work
in commercial production just so i can
afford to buy art. :D

got to sleep early today.
tomorrow shoot.

-chinyew

Day 85: Found it.

2011-06-06T01:31:00.000-07:00

Woke up at 4am. Had cereal and watched
another episode of The Wire. Then went
back to sleep.

Woke up again at 10am. Went for my run.
I finally found a running route that is
free from Jakarta's pollution.

Pretty nice. The rich people area.
Houses were huge. Roads were clean
and filled with plants.

Don't ever think in million years
I'll able to afford houses like these.
Not as a film director at least.
Maybe as a real estate agent like my
father, maybe still stand a chance.

As I grow older, I feel the artist
in me slowly detaches. Like all I'm
seeking for now is wealth.

The love of making art?

Haven't felt that for months.
Since I left KL. Since new year.
Since...

-chinyew

Day 84: Back..

2011-06-05T21:19:00.000-07:00

The artist that signed up for this month
is nowhere to be found. So I'm back here
again.

I've been blogging daily, counting down
the days till I start directing here in
Jakarta.

Day 84. If yr interested you can read
older post here.

Today went to work. Final wardrobe
fitting for the cosmetic shoot.
My first presentation in a pre production
meeting as an assistant director in Jakarta.
Tried to speak in Bahasa Indonesia at first
but my Bahasa Malaysia just automatically
comes back in. Eventhough the both language
is almost similar, the structure and some
words representation is really different
that makes it hard for someone who already
knows either one of the language to adapt
the other.

Came back home. One of the main roads were
blocked for some festival-flea market.
So I went. Bought some local food, walked
home. Tried to resist walking into the bar,
eventually did. Had 2 Guinness.

I knew it was a bad idea to stay across
a bar.

-chinyew

Day 83: Careful

2011-06-04T07:41:00.000-07:00

i like how my body wakes up
automatically at 830am. no matter
how late i sleep, my body just
jump start itself. no matter
how hard i forces myself to sleep,
my body still refuses to.

so i took a run.
bought mie ayam along the way.
bloody tasty and cheap.
bought some snacks in a supermarket.

went home, had my shower, prepared
a movie, then ate like crazy.

2pm. nap.

4pm. woke up, watch another movie,
then took a swim. hungry again.
walked down the street to try
this arty restaurant.

browse their book collection.
found 2 books that i'm interested in.
shall bookmark them and return again
next time to finish them. nice interior,
and reasonably priced food. don't
mind coming back again.
had an awesome dessert that serves
vanilla ice cream and hot chocolate
fudge in 2 separate bowls.
makes me think of special friend,
whom i know will definitely fight
with me to finish them. :)

at that moment, i felt the gladness
of being alone, yet a little sad.
like the idea of being free,
yet maybe a companion to share food
and some conversation would do good.

come to think of it, i've spent
an entire day like this haven't
spoken to anyone.

scary.

-chinyew

Day 82: Chill out

2011-06-03T23:52:00.000-07:00

Woke up, did my run.
Bought lunch along the way.
Came back home and watched
a movie over lunch. Good
food, street food, rice
with fish and vegetables.

Took a short nap.
Woke up, had some cereal.
Cooked noodles. Watched another
movie.

Tune into BBC news. World's
pretty messed up with all
the plagues and wars.
Gets quite depressing.
But you got to be in the knowing,
I guess. Sometimes the stupid
ones are the happy ones.

Late evening, got called from friends
to meet up at the pub across the street
of the place I'm living. It's always
been like my dream to live across a bar.

It's great to go to a bar where
everybody knows your name.
Had my usual Guinness fixed.
Had spaghetti. And more Guinness.
Walked home semi-drunk. Showered.

Watch another movie as I dozed off.

Chill-out.

-chinyew

Day 81: Bloody big

2011-06-02T09:21:00.000-07:00

Woke up early, even though had a hangover.
work out a little, had cereal, then
ran to friend's house. took a cab to
a mall. pretty far, bout 1 hour drive.

bought a MKV player that could play
mostly everything. my companion when
i'm in my room.

just tested it out. works perfectly.
watched my first movie in my new
room. Barney's Version. pretty good.
a little sad, but was really good.
favorite scene was:

Guy: Have I ever given up when it comes to you?
Girl: Never
Guy: So what makes you think I'm gonna start now?

had some beer with uncle.
he shared more advise to me
of surviving Jakarta.

it's really tough.

-chinyew

Day 80: Beatles

2011-06-01T21:47:00.000-07:00

i wonder why my nails grow so fast
lately.

had some beers at a bar infront
of the place i live, one of the
reason i moved here.

a 3-piece accoustic band was covering
Beatles all night long. bloody fantastic.
thank God for Beatles.

was talking to a friend that he said 2 years
ago, all the production people were partying
like crazy. these days, mostly are married
and have settled down.

that ought to make me think that i'm a 30-year
old who still likes to party. a cab driver
asked me once, why aren't i married?

is it fixed that a person who reaches 30 have
to get married and settle down? i see most
people get divorce at mid 30s. and some desperately
who are still in a marriage desperately wants
to get out.

is there a subconscious psychology setback
that i am still what i am?

is there a point?

-chinyew

Day 79: New home (room)

2011-05-31T11:10:00.000-07:00

Spent the whole day collecting payment
and buying new stuff for my new room.

Didn't realize the paint crack on the wall
when I first saw it. But nevermind, am
still happy with the room, despite not
having wi-fi but lan cable internet. grrrr!

but still-it was fine, and they also didn't
provide bed blanket, grrr... it's okay!

some friends said that i'm actually paying
a little too much for my first place.
but i've been searching around Jakarta
and this is the most comfortable one
that i could. comfortably is very important
in this stressful job. i get fucked mostly
all the time. i need to be at my toes
to make sure everything's fine with the
shoot. pressure-pressure. so after a long
day work, i need to come back to a place
where i can call home and comfortable.

so here i am.

bought tons of stuff. water dispenser,
bread toaster, fork and spoon, cups,
speakers, laundry bag, blanket,
cereal, instant noodles, milk, orange
juice, bowls, power extension, cables,
etc, etc. spent bout RM500.

moving all the stuff into the room
makes me feel so many details needed
merely just for a room.

building a house is not easy.
imagine building a family.

i've got a long more way to go.

-chinyew

Day 78: Moving Out

2011-05-30T10:59:00.000-07:00

Today's my last day at uncle's place.
It's been great living here. All the
liquor, talks and FIFA.

Have packed all my stuff.

Tomorrow, new place. Excited.
Tons of stuff need to buy.
More money out.

My first place by myself.

Ever.

Tomorrow, no work, so I'm just
gonna spend the time by moving
and making my new room my home.

It's hard to say goodbye to the
cats.

:)

-chinyew

Day 77: Motorcycle in Jakarta

2011-05-29T02:10:00.000-07:00

Borrowed a friend's motorcycle
to ride around the area to look
for my own place. It was scary
like hell riding in Jakarta.
Beside it's been almost 10 years
since I last ride the motorcycle,
which ended up in an accident.
wasn't badly hurt but bad enough
to make me paranoid of riding
again.

i had no choice but to ride today.
traffic in Jakarta is really crazy.
i have to say, fuckin scary!

but i survived. and found my place.
pretty neat place. will try and
upload pictures the next time.

will be moving on the 1st June.
will have to say goodbye to the
cats. saddest of all, no more
fifa with uncle. :)

-chinyew

Day 76: Never say Never again

2011-05-28T14:29:00.000-07:00

I learned to never say never again.
Life is like a cycle.
When you think you've learned,
and tell yourself never again,
and then you fall again.

you will judge yourself.
you'll feel ugly and disgusted with
yourself. you'll feel like hopeless
failure. cause you are not that
good in keeping the word 'never again'.

so i learn the irony of saying,
'never say never again'.

atleast now, i allow myself to fall.
allow myself to be wrong. again and again.

i don't mind, as long i make the best
out of this short span of life we have.

learn to hate less, and learn to love more.

-chinyew

Day 75: Sometimes you hate it, sometimes you love it.

2011-05-28T00:30:00.000-07:00

i had the craziest night last night.
the first rave ever in Jakarta for me.
at least consider my first night out.
Dash Berlin music was not bad.

Came back in the morning.

Bloody tired.

Slept, woke up and typed this.

-chinyew

Day 74: Pacing up

2011-05-26T12:12:00.000-07:00

Already starting a new project.
Facial wash product. Haven't
done one before. Picking the
perfect model is very crucial.
Scanning through all the models.
Imagine having such high standard
of beauty, detailing every facial
aspects of the model, makes you
into a perfectionist of beauty.

imagine now, having to find yourself
a partner. will you criticize and
filtered only the best?

is there ever the best?

everyone has it's flaws.

do you like yourself very much?
do you see your flaws clearly?
too clearly? or yr blinded,
thinking you are the best.

as a director, you HAVE to think
yr the shit, and see the flaws
of others sharply.

once you lose that, you lose it.

-chinyew

Day 73: Day 2, it's a wrap!

2011-05-25T13:52:00.000-07:00

After all the pain and struggle,
accusation and fucking up things,
screamed at, praised at, accidents,
insults, laughter, stress, passion,
it all balls down to the final
moment when you screamed 'It's a wrap.',
listening carefully to the reaction;
their reaction judges the result
of the shoot. you hear people screaming
in joy, and clapping. how loud they
clap, how loud they scream, it rationalize
their feelings toward the shoot. as a
director you judge it.

a scream of joy and clap could mean that
they have enjoyed the shoot with you,
or it could also mean that they are
glad to be done with you.

the worse is, no reaction, where everyone
just pack and leave as fast as possible.

that definitely means that they didn't
enjoy the shoot at all.

shaking hands is a very important
custom too. a sense of gladness that
we have survived the same war despise
how much conflict we had during
the shoot, cause now we all shared
the same war scars.

a shoot is never just a shoot.

it's more than that.

most importantly and definitely
it's about 'friendship'.

-chinyew

Day 72: Day 1 of Shoot

2011-05-24T09:55:00.000-07:00

My 2nd job as an assistant director today.
Another pizza shoot. God you should see how
much food is wasted and spent on a commercial.

the poor talent probably had ate like 10 plates
of spaghetti of having to do more than 100 takes
just on a 1-second shot of him having a bite.

to get the precise shot is so tricky.
for a normal tv director, i see most
takes were almost the same. that's
where i've to convert and learn from
the commercial director.

back in my TV days we are to shoot everything
fast. like 10 scenes a day. 2 days shoot per
half hour episode. contrast to commercial
a full 12 hours day shoot for a merely 30 seconds.
that's the precision and integrity needed to
direct a spot.

it's bloody tricky and i'm trying to learn
as fast as i can. being an assistant director
is a complete different genre to directing.
it's a little bit mixture of time management
and sensitivity of visual plus handling
emotions of the entire crew. you have to rule
them yet make sure that they are happy with
you, yet you are the most probably the first
person to get blame if anything fucks up.
from both the director and producer.
yr like a middle man in communication with
everyone, from the camera department to
art department and to lodging department
and finally pleasing the director of having
a comfortable shoot for his creativity
to unleash. and creative people sometimes
are not very well tempered people.
and producers can be very precise and calculative
in all manner. so be prepared, assistant director.

there are really good and respected assistant
directors that no directors nor producers
dare to pick on or find fault in. basically,
they just surrenders the whole shoot to
the assistant director.

it takes time.

and am learning.

-chinyew

Day 71: !@#!$% Part 2

2011-05-23T07:48:00.000-07:00

The dreadfulness continues..
Took a cab and got lost.
Driver didn't know the place.
Google map showed me a wrong direction.
took me 2 hours to reach the destination,
which apparently supposed to take only an hour.
The fare was bloody expensive.

Was late for the workshop.

Then went to another production house
for another job. Got paid for storyboards
i did.

Bought friends dinner and cigarettes.
Was told that I should tip 2 parties.
That's how Jakarta works,
a tipping country.

!@#!$%

-chinyew

Day 70: !@#!$%

2011-05-22T10:36:00.000-07:00

Had more meetings today.
Bringing myself up.
Gotto try and spoke more
in meetings. Present myself.

Anyway, feeling damn crappy now.
Lost a bet to a friend of football.
Stoke lost today. One goal difference
to Newcastle at the league table.
Fuck!

So I've to buy 2 Newcastle jersey,
one for him and one for myself. Fuck!
And we've to wear it at the studio
back in KL.

Don't feel like going back to KL now.
FUCK!

but anyway, I look at it as my first
gateway into football. Oh-i pay dearly.
having a team to support is painful.
especially them not winning.

fuck! just one goal difference.
Fucking going bonkers that Stoke
didn't even score one single goal
against Wigan at home ground. WTF!!

anyway.....

yeah.

no-anyways!

sigh... gonna TRY to sleep.
tomorrow got workshop for another
commercial.

!@#!@$$%#@!

-chinyew

Day 69: Dream

2011-05-21T10:26:00.000-07:00

Had a really weird dream.
Visited a friend's house.
Outside the house, the ground
was dry-cracked mud.
waited for her outside.
then she came out, we walked.
had a conversation with her.
she was a close friend.
i joked and flirted with her
of us being together.
then she gave me a tired-serious
look and said "i'll only be serious when
you start becoming serious."
i gave her a guilty-smile and shaddup.
we walked in silent to a food court.
we ordered fried kuey teow.
then i woke up.

would have been nice if i've gotten
the chance to eat that fried kuey teow.

that's how dream always is,
waking up at the very moment
you are about to enter climax.
turn off.

had constipation today.

bottoms-upped a glass of papaya juice.

had fun doing the test shoot today.
director was kind enough to give
me the opportunity to hold the camera
and direct the talent.

he told me that i needed to learn about
the camera. i'm glad that he's willing
to teach me.

haven't had a teacher for a long time.

never stop learning.

you can never stop learning.

-chinyew

Day 68: I wasn't even that good

2011-05-20T08:31:00.000-07:00

Woke up and went to an agency for meeting.
Yeah, it almost sound mundane rite?
The same old activity.
But-yeah, in commercial production it's
like that. Gone are the days where I wake
up anytime I want. Paint or draw whenever
I want. No worries about paying rent,
food, etc. All covered. Go to the mall
during weekdays, daytime.
Grab some pints of Guinness. Watch
movies with large LCD all day long.
Yep, living the artist life.

Gone. All gone. Have not touch my
brush or ink for almost half a year now.

Why?

I'm done being poor.

Simple as that.

-chinyew

Day 67: Scarface

2011-05-19T09:43:00.000-07:00

Do I work hard enough?

Rewatched Scarface today,

Tony Montana: In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.

Jakarta no?

Went to the director's house today to
revise the storyboard. Taking the cab
to his house is quite costly now since
he moved. In a month, the total might
cost me almost a month's rental. might
as well I start moving near his place.

Visited his assistant who was sick.
Reminded me that I should exercise
more to keep myself fit and healthy.

Came back and run.

Tonight's sleep gonna be good.

-chinyew

Day 66: Meeting sucks time.

2011-05-18T07:52:00.000-07:00

Meeting sucks time.

entire day, just gone like that.
meetings. dominating the day.

waking up, only seeing minutes of
sunlight, then you enter the room,
meeting, walking out, night.

just like that. another day.

head home. bought microwave dinner.
bought extra for tomorrow morning.

reached home, shower. pop some vitamins.
drank a glass of water. type this blog.
write my diary. still wondering,
where did all the sunlight go.

watch a couple of episodes of The Wire.
doze off.

hey, sunlight!

again?!?

(@#$%!^&*)

-chinyew

Day 65: Aww fuc..!

2011-05-17T13:55:00.000-07:00

woke up and started working on the board.
will ADing the next job. my second.
there's another one lining up.
so far so good.

just can't wait to get my ass into
directing.

anyway, during I was back in KL,
i was able to shot a clip with
some friends.

go click LIKE if you think i deserve
to win. anyway i and my friends
agreed if we ever win anything with
this clip, we'll stop smoking FOREVER.

whole day spent at director's house
working on the board and preparation
for tomorrow's production meeting.

had only cereal in the morning,
and only after 1am I was able to
have my dinner. fxkin crazy rite?

anyway, watched football. my team
lost again. fxxk! fxxk! fxxk!

well, there's the final match
this Sunday that decides either
i or my friend will win the bet.

will let you know what's the bet
about after i win.

;D

=chinyew

Day 64: Start work again...

2011-05-16T12:02:00.000-07:00

woke up early and went to the agency
quite early. was the first to arrived.

great to see everyone again.

nothing much happened, except waited
at the hospital for quite awhile.

-chinyew

Day 63: Home massage

2011-05-15T10:35:00.000-07:00

Not feeling well today.
must be the food i ate yesterday.

director couldn't make it for meeting
today, so no work for today.

stayed at home. slept the entire day.

then went out for rib steak.
fantastic. cheap and tasty.

then came back home, called the massage
parlor. bloody cheap compared to the
price i pay in KL.

everything's pretty cheap here in Jakarta,
except when you go to the mall.

bloody sleepy now after the massage.
shall crash to bed now.

till tomorrow.

-chinyew

Day 62: Brunch and cholesterol!

2011-05-14T10:11:00.000-07:00

had brunch. prawns, pancakes, bloody mary
and sausages. felt so full. then came
back home and watched The Rite. a horror
movie about exorcism. nothing that i haven't
seen. but i like the last scene where the
skeptic young priest finally gives in and
believe. very touching scene. think i shed
a tear or two.

maybe i'm currently goin through that
same phase. i now know He exist. but
it's hard for me to have faith in him,
after what i've done. all my wrong doings.
i feel so hard to forgive myself.

but-anyhow, at night i had more high
cholesterol food, goat's feet soup.
yummy! the oil and egg yolk.
came back home drank tea and watched
the FA cup final. my favorite team, Stoke
City was playing.

i never liked football. till i came to
jakarta. influences from some friends.
every guy here seems to talk only about
football.

i needed a team to support. but i didn't
want to be so cliche like the rest of
just choosing the best team. i wanted a
team that had meaning to me.

and i remembered watching this match
with my friends. this team had a guy
who had a very powerful throw in.
thought the team had a very interesting
character. the team beat my friend's
team on that day.

then watched another match with a different
team, and the very underdog team beat
his team too.

since i decided Stoke City shall be it.

i love underdogs.

people used to laughed at me when i tell
them i supported Stoke City. and they'll
go 'Stoke who?'

eventhough they have lost the cup to Man.City,
but still being in the final really meant
something for underdogs like Stoke.

anyway. that's it for today.
tomorrow, start work!

go underdogs!

wohoo!

-chinyew

Day 61: Missing?

2011-05-13T10:14:00.000-07:00

Day 60 post is missing.
according to blogger.com, they said
they will restore the post soon.

hopefully, it's still there.
getting deleted is painful.

would you like to be deleted?

i've been deleted many times.

stayed home the entire day today.

ate cereal and watch movies.
again. yeah-life can be pretty
dull when you are at a new place
and hasn't made any friends yet.

late evening thought i'll take
a walk to get dinner. but the rain
was still pouring. so i call in
McDees instead.

while i was showering, i understand
how hard it was for anyone to be
in a foreign country leaving alone.

feeling a lil tired today.
not sure why. maybe it's my emotion.

shall sleep in early today.

-chinyew

Day 60: More walks.

2011-05-12T13:09:00.000-07:00

Woke up. Had cereal. favorite combination;
corn flakes with a little of honey stars.
there's something about the mixture of
these 2 cereals. their texture, one slightly
crunchier and one slightly softer. their
taste; one non sweet, and one sweet.
when both are soak with milk, mm-mmph!

watched a korean flick. pretty good;
The Man From Nowhere.
mixture of Taken and Oldboy.

late afternoon, i started my walk in
the city again. had Radiohead's new album
as my first playlist. Then Last Night OST
and finally as the day turns dark, Social
Network OST.

the air is horrible. fxxkin polluted.
i walked further this time. i really
think it's less healthier to walk
in Jakarta then not walk.

but i really feel that if you need to
know the city, walking it is the best.

google map said i walked bout 10km.

reached home. bloody tired.

house mate thought i was crazy.
walking in jakarta is a bad idea
because of the pollution. she
reminded me that this is not London.
thought to myself then,
yeah-i miss walking in London.
i remembered carrying a huge printer.
:)

news today state that Jakarta is ranked 39th
of the world's well-off communities.
London is ranked top 2, next to New York.

came back home and had awesome roast chicken+
char siew + siew yok + sour vegetable soup.

well, atleast i can have those here
and not in london.

oh-what the hell, can't win them all.

-chinyew

Day 59: walk-and-walk

2011-05-11T09:24:00.000-07:00

woke up at afternoon.
made myself toast and coffee.
then watched 'True Romance'.
a cult hit written my Quentin Tarantino.

not bad. didn't like the ending though.
too cliche.

then i took a walk. wanted just walk
around the apartment. then decided i should
walk to the supermarket across the apartment
to get some groceries. then i thought maybe
i just check out what's showing at the cinema.
didn't had a movie i wanted to watch.
checked the google map to see where else
cinema was nearby.

walked. and walked.
then saw some interesting apartments.
checked out availability and rent.
expensive. but bloody nice. had an
awesome gym room, beautiful view,
fancy room, flat screen, clean kitchen,
the receptionist was kinda cute too.
but WAY off my budget.

maybe someday, maybe.

walked to a mall, and they didn't had
a cinema. so i walked to another. and
another. looked at the time, i've been
walking for more than 3 hours. no wonder
the songs in my iphone was starting
to irritate me.

finally found a fancy mall that had
a cinema. there was 3 movies showing.
one i saw, second was crap, third i
imdb it and it had a 7.2 rating.
so-what the hell, i've walked miles
to get here. bought the ticket.
friggin cheap. i love jakarta.

hungry. went to the food court.
saw a poster with a tasty looking fish soup.
tried it. not bad. didn't taste the fish
though. but not bad.

walked around. remembered i had to
get groceries. bought cereal, bread and milk.
miss those cereal balls with yogurt i had
in london. then looked for blackmores pills
for my stomach. they didn't had any.
found out Jakarta don't carry Blackmores.
WTF!*exclamation, cause i'm not asking)

after the movie, took a cab home. paid the
driver and realized how far i've walked.

damn...

-chinyew

Day 58: feels like...

2011-05-10T12:06:00.000-07:00

It feels really weird coming back to Jakarta,
cause the feeling feels like coming home.
Jakarta is not my home, but it does feel like
it.

KL now feels like a holiday.

Feels the gradual transformation and adaptation.

The two cats greeted me as I opened the door
to the apartment.

At the plane, one of the stewardess was pretty
cute. the first and best i've seen so far
of all the flights i've taken back and forward.

sigh, planes feels like buses now.

i dive into my bed in jakarta.

took a deep breath.

gawd-feels so tired. it's been a satisfying
trip. hung out with friends. 2 weddings.
watched football. outdoor rave at Sunway Lagoon.
spa. watched tons of movies. even shot a spec
commercial with some friends. great to visit
my old animator friends. they'll be helping
out with the CG for the spec.

2 deaths though; uncle, went back mom's hometown
for the funeral. and my 700GB hardisk of downloaded
movies, inclusive of 720p and 1080p collection, died.

am still mourning over it.

Sunway Lagoon brought back some memories.
Gawd, she was so young then.
Love literally tasted sweet.

Oh-well, moving on now.

-chinyew

Day 57: TV

2011-04-26T12:31:00.000-07:00

No work today.
Spent it at home watching tv.
Watched Out of Africa.
Very similar to Gone With The Wind.
Odd, yesterday in the korean movie
i watched, they mentioned Gone With The Wind.

Cooked lunch myself today.

At night, went out and bought myself
a super burger.

Came back and watched move TV.

At night, played FIFA with uncle
and now watching a live football match.

Didn't really like football back then.
And now I'm slowly digging it.
It seems to be something that blend
everyone together. Especially guys.

Tomorrow am heading back to KL.

For friend's wedding.

-chinyew

Day 56: ....

2011-04-25T10:25:00.000-07:00

Those who walks alone,
walks far.

I was told that it is a blessing
in disguise that I'm not attached.

I've got no one to answer to.
I can go anywhere I want.

No obligations.

I'm free.

I should cherish this.

-chinyew

Day 55: Sleepy

2011-04-24T10:36:00.000-07:00

Woke up early. Slept bout 3 hours
from yesterday shoot. I got back
round 7am. showered then knock
out completely.

had awesome pancake brunch with
friend's father. shall call him
uncle from now. cause he's so
good to me, introduce his friends
and contacts to me to help me
in my career.

i'll forever be in debt to him.

had telecine today.

room was super comfortable with music.
couldn't help falling asleep.
my producer fell asleep too.
so i guess it's ok.

after TC, i walked around the area.
found a rundown mall.
saw retail shops. the workers were
really bored and just standing around,
chatting among themselves.
i know how it feels, when i was
a teenager i used to work for my
mom or aunty in their boutiques.
just standing around, following
people around, serving them,
wasting time, for a small salary.

i'm thankful for my career now.

transsexuals knocked on the window
of the cab i was in, whoring themselves.
the cab driver told me the secret
was to ignore them.

came back, had some beers and watched
football with uncle. we talked about
dreams and life. we shared the same
favorite movie, Cinema Paradiso.
Yasmin Ahmad was the one who recommended
him.

life change with every little offerings
you give to people.

giving back more than expect of return.

i think of her with this concept.

-chinyew

Day 54: Birthdays

2011-04-23T11:44:00.000-07:00

There's nothing more heartaching to have
someone you trust and love betrays you.

But I guess everyone makes mistakes.
Who are we to judge?

Each one of us probably have betray
someone.

It's 24th. Happy Easter.
Am still in a shoot.
2am. Still waiting for the
food to be ready.
Bloody sleepy.
Am the AD, I can't show people
that i am sleepy.

Everything makes up for it's reason.

Guess I'm not meant to be there
for her as someone else is.

We're in both different worlds,
striving for what we believe.
Our lives doesn't intervenes,
as for now.

I remembered once she told me
if I've faith, one day we will.

It all balls down to how much
I believed in the relationship.

I dunno really, but I want to.

Happy Easter.

and Birthday.

-chinyew

Day 53: Hiccups

2011-04-22T07:18:00.001-07:00

Urghh... suffered through stomach
discomfort the entire day as I worked.

not too bad for first day.
everything when smooth and was on time.

but tomorrow everyone's telling me
gonna be really tough.

product shots for pizzas is not easy task
at all.

so i guess wrapping early today is not
something to be proud of first.

anyway came back feeling half sick.
dropped 2 aspirin. am knocking off now.

love.

-chinyew