Day 15

i wish sometimes i could just stay
in bed. smoke. watch the tv. and eat.
drink. and no worries of the world out
there.

only sometimes. don't lock me down
and curse me to be paralyze and stuff, k..

anyway, it takes me awhile to prepare my
mind and soul to start painting. is not
like i don't have the idea to paint.
i have. is just that the mind/soul is not
ready. you see, its something so hard to explain,
which only some fellow artist i think will
understand.

is like you know where you want to
drive to. and you're just not prepare to
drive yet. is not because of fear.
is not because of doubt.

you are confident of where you wanna go.
just some instinct tells you that its
not time yet. like this morning, i mean
afternoon, when i just woke up, i had
the idea to paint. but, i wasn't ready.
so, i chilled. hang around the house.
drank some coffee infront of the tv.
lunch? nope, skipped it. sometimes.
after a couple of hours of lazing around,
i was ready.

you have to understand that this got
nothing to do with laziness.
chinese sometimes called it feng-shui
or whatever. feng-shui does has its
scientific truth in it, you know.
and sometimes, chinese business man
would find a feng-shui master to get the
best exact date/time to launch their
new business for good luck. and even
marriage too. all date/time must be
determine by the feng-shui master.

now, what if the feng-shui master was
wrong?

don't worry, you only believe what
you want to believe.

anyway, today i feel like givin classes.
i always feel that if i fail to succeed
in the industry, one of my last resort
was to teach. teach anything to kids.

and so, for today's class, i'll be
teaching you kids how to draw ANGELS.

and warning to the sensitive christian
or any other religion who has angels in
their religion, if you find my angel
alittle grim-lookin and offensive to your
religion, please do not let your
kids do this activity and skip this part.
thanks.

What You Need:

- Black Acrylic
- White Acrylic
- Size 000 Brush
- Water

Step 1 - We can have so much fun
- Mix the black and white and get Grey!
- As grey as you like, but i would advise 70% white and 30% black.

Step 2 - There's so much to do - Paint this shape with the Grey you just mixed.

Step 3 - Is just you and me
- Out line the angel with black.
- But leave the wings for later.
- Hair style depends on personal stylize preferences.

Step 4 - We can have so much more
- Dip your brush with a teeny weeny white.
- Then wet your brush with teeny weeny water.
- Slowly circulate your brush onto the angel's stomach, head, hands and legs.

Step 5 - ((Five))((five))i can't remember the freakin song!
- Use pure white and give a little shadow stroke at the left side of the stomach, hands, and legs.(depending on the source of the light, oh, nevermind.)
- Stroke white on the wings. But remain some greys below the stroke.
- Leave the head alone.

Step 6 - uhhmm...six..what rhymes with six...
- My favorite step. Give LIFE to the character.
- Simply just dip two dots at the head. (i mean, not simply dipping it, but just you know, well, you get what i mean.)

Step 7 - oh, i give up.
- Play God and knight yr soldier of angels with the halo. (just kidding.)
- Give the angel its halo with grey.

Step 8 - ....................
- Impress your parents with these cute angels!(that's if you get permission first to paint them. don't tell them i sent you.)

ok seriously, back to you adults.

the painting for today, and yes, you've guess
it:

its really fun to paint something
so small and so many. the experience
feels like a strong concentration which
doesn't require any thinking but just
doin. almost meditation like. it actually
requires so much attention you can hardly
think anything else at all. and it uses
less of yr brain power. almost like
chargin it. so, i do recommend you adults
to try it once in awhile aswell.
its so cheap to get a 1ftx1ft canvas and
black and white paint. its only the small
brush which is abit difficult to find.
and paint anything small which you like.
but if you have no idea, you can always
use my angel. afterall you're helpin me
to promote my art anyway. heh.
but make sure you give me the credit, yah.
but remember, it must be SMALL and MANY.

till then.

-chinyew

p/s: oh, i haven't forgotten about the boy,
he is still there.

Day 14

look.

i know what you are thinking.
usually the simplest thing are the
hardest thing.

like this one. it might look simple
with just a couple of small guys floating
here and there, but, hey, its lot of
effort to paint every single one of
them that small. even the small guys
are at the side of the canvas too
you'll be surprised this piece took
me the longest.



luckily, i had this tiny-0
brush an old friend gave me.
its hard to find such small
tiny brush these days.



anyway, for the point of today:
"patient" is the magic word.
in every little teeny weeny thing we
do in life, we have to be patient
and wait.

wait. wait. wait.

not just simply waiting.
but have to wait in "patient".

i know, its hard. sometimes.

and it takes time to master
the art/skill of patience.
and as we all know, with the busy
crazy competitive world out there,
its pretty difficult.

but 'patiently waiting' is always
better than 'anxiously rushing'.

i think.

i myself is not a very patient
person. i think.

i'm just blurting out stuff from zen books
anyway. me ain't no zen master.
especially not, i repeat, in this crazy-f**ckin-competive-world.

i recommend this book.



very fun read.

:)

cheers to all!



#$bugger@$!%%@#%!!

-chinyew

p/s:i finally got to play Metal Gear 3.
it wasn't as great as i expected it to be.
even after "patiently" waiting for it too long.
i guess sometimes hype does dries things a little.

Day 13

i was at a restaurant yesterday.
it was pack. many tables were
waiting for their food.

and apparently they are known
to be good.

then i thought of this theory.
the theory that could make any
restaurant famous.

start a restaurant business.
get yr relatives and friends to
show up on the first day. make
them wait for the food. eventhough
it takes awhile for you to
prepare. just make them wait.

after awhile, yr restaurant gonna
look like really pack and everybody's
excitingly waiting for the food.

then serve. logically speakin,
if anyone wait for their food that long,
they bound to be really hungry rite?
and when yr hungry, whatever food you eat
gonna taste really good right?

and voila! spread the word!
make sure you keep yr customer waiting.
the trick is not to let them wait
that long, but let them wait.
let the hunger runs up to them.
the longer they wait, the tastier yr
food is.

and visually/psychologically speakin, whoever
passes by yr restaurant, probably gonna
think, "wow, so many people waitin.
the food sure taste good wan. let's go."

the magic word for today is "anticipation."

i wonder does the same trick works "here".



heh.

-chinyew

p/s:the ginger steamed fish does taste really good
though, after waiting an hour for it. heh.

-------------------------------------------------------

guess not.

Day 12

what in the world?

was watchin a korean movie yesterday,
Mokpo. in the movie, the gangster's big
boss was a sentimental dude who watches
sappy korean movie. there was one scene
where he was watchin My Sassy Girl.

i quickly eject the dvd and started
diggin through my dvd collections.
after awhile, i found it.

My Sassy Girl.

touching story. superb linkage of
characters. funny. emotional.
action. you named it. its the
most entertaining movie of all-time.

i remembered so clearly the first
time i watched it.
god knows how many times i've rewatched it.
second place after Cinema Paradiso.

i literally couldn't breath when
i watched the scene where she shouts to
the guy across the mountain.
and i couldn't believe that scene could
still gives me such impact.

but the main point which i'm tryin to
state here is not about the movie.
its about our BRAIN.

i was surprised to see elements
in the movie so similar to my current work.
characters. sometimes we re-live
our lives like the characters in our
favorite movie/story/etc subconsciously.

how weird? go watch/re-watch the
movie and you'll know. not gonna
spoil it for you.

second thing, i'm gonna talk about
"falling". we need crisis.
surviving one, leads us into becoming
a stronger/smarter person. it help us
to learn.

so, we need to fall.

surviving?

well, that's entirely up to you.



-chinyew

p/s:nope, its not over yet.

Day 11

first, in accompany of todays'
paintings, i present you
the track Rhine and Courtesan by Rachel's.
taken from my all-time fav album,
The Sea and the Bells.





sigh, it sure feels good to be
up there doesn't it?
you have the winning side,
nothing underneath you matters anymore,
and you're just sitting comfortable
up there. lookin and laughing.

so where else would you want to go
if given the opportunity?

higher! ofcourse.

like most of us, we can never
have enough. we have this much information,
we still want more.

we want to be the best.
we want to know the truth of all things.
we want to gain this gain that.

we seek for recognization.

we want to be notice.

till when?

how much is enough?

when can we say, hmmm, i think i know enough.

we'll never be satisfy of knowing enough.
eventhough we get the answers already,
we still doubt, and we still seek for
another truth. a higher truth.

but to be given the choice,

to take the path of seeking,
you'll have to suffer the consequences,
either the truth turn you
into a better person or a
lunatic/evil/obsessive person.

or just live in the path where
faith plays a strong role.
just let breath, and just let die.

the choice is yours.

but make sure once you chose the path,
you'll have what it takes.

cause you'll never know.

-chinyew

(the red pill or the blue pill? heh.)

p/s: and do notice the second part of the song,
hint of the comin paintings.

Day 10

whoa-whoa.

i present first to you the
painting of today:



and i hope you like the song i put
out. its by Marsen Jules titled Datura.
check him out, enter his page, then click "about".
he just a new album out.
pretty creative stuff of how he decribe his
music.

anyway,

my last-last post about animation
nearly blew some stuff.

it actually were causing tense
around.

example, my ex lecturer actually
sent me an email.
he was pretty upset.
but i explained to him in a nice
email stating that the post wasn't
targeted on him, and that he shouldn't
take it too personally.

and my artist friend, nearly
pulled the plug. but after some safe
conversation, we were saved.

thank God.

atleast the force still want us
to go for it, eh?

anyway, on behalf of everyone who
got offended of what i say,
i apologize.

and i'll try to reach my point in
a more gentle/proper way next time.

and so, for today, i've agreed with my
artist friend that the topic for this
post will be about "payin up".

despise all hard effort and passion
you put into a work, or how efficient
and discipline you were towards the
project. if the client doesn't pay,
we go dry.

our passion/fuel goes dry.

we are artist. and we are humans too.
and we need to eat. and live.

(speakin on behalf of the entire planet's
hard-earned labor underpaid workers out
there who haven't got paid till this very
friggin day by asshole-slimy bosses.)

and i salute/respect people who buys
paintings. and i'm talkin about the authentic
art lovers here, excuse me. who could
see through passion and blood in works.
who could tell what's genuinely ugly
or plastically beauty.

and to the people who simply are just
supporting artist to survive. people
who understand the existence of life requires
artist to enlighten them. to entertain
them, in the terms of commercialism.
to tell them, the truth.

and you'll see why it is so important of
the roles we play in life.
the responsibility of voices.

move a nation.
or shamble one on a bumpy road?

i would like to thank to the people
who supported and helped us.

and cursed upon you who did not pay.

-chinyew

Day 09

was out with mom today to watch a movie.
American Haunting. its alright. not too bad.
not great. but ok. don't watch it if you don't
have the time to waste.

warning spoiler:

what i'm gonna tell you has
got to do with the painting and the movie
i just watched.

its amazing how our thoughts and feelings
can do.

i'm gonna talk about betrayal today.

how many times have you been betrayed
in yr entire life?

"betray" that's definitely gotto do
with someone who is close to you.
not just someone you know.
someone who you have such deep feelings of.
someone who you trust/love, betrays you.

you have to see the difference:
in life, someone who you are not very close
with, hurts you in a certain way,
you'll feel the pain and anger. and sometimes
you would want to have revenge on them.

but on the other hand, betrayal is such a
strong word which has gotto do with someone who
you feel dearly of, who you trust yr life with,
and who finally, hurts you
and disappoints you.

you'll feel the pain and anger.
but you cannot take revenge.
no matter how badly hurt you were,
thrown down and stepped on, you just can't.
because you still feel dearly of them.
such painful/ugly/weird agony that no
words could ever describe.
all the suppress energies.

and that could drive you mad.
and do keep note, feelins like this can never go away.
i mean, think about it. "betrayal" is a such a powerful
word compared to many other hurtful words ever in
the dictionary.

now, where all this suppress energy go?

such anger/negative energy will create
something. its proven that aura or chi exist.
and where would your angry chi/aura go?
if concentrate hard enough, it'll go somewhere.
if not, it'll stay within yr body,
and you'll rot to death. literally.

the damage is on you.

but every betrayal comes a reason/consequences.

"For every life and every act consequence of
good and evil can be shown and as in time
results of many deeds are blended so good and
evil in the end become confounded." - T. S. Eliot

"forgive" is the key word.

but how? the negative energy is so badly
contained in our body, how do we even
tell ourselves to forgive?

high technology of science has found
the cure for this suppress feelings.
an antidote-relaxant.

all sort of modern-commercial-therapies
to help you let go and forgive.

and it all leads back to the root of nature.

i present you the painting of today:

and i swear to you, i did not plan
to paint this or watch that particular
movie in any related of this post
which is within my very control.

it just came.

-chinyew

Day 08

good day.
and the painting for today is:

and:

finally, to my ramblings:

had a drink with 2 ex classmates last nite.
haven't kept in touch with them for years.
most of them went overseas to continue their
degree after our courses. i was one of the few
who couldn't afford to spend more money on
animation courses.

like most of us, we tried to stay in animation.
but due to how fuckup malaysia animation industry
is, our career got nowhere. either it was too low pay
or there isn't enough jobs for us.
government gives animation company crazy short-dateline
to finish seasons of animation series.
result, bad quality animation, stupid storyline,
and low pay to the animators. and the fuckin problem
here is, people don't even look highly on animation.
we don't even bother to watch our own local made animation
because its just so stupidlly bad. it makes us stupid.
its makin the local kids stupid. and nobody cares.
and nobody smart enough to even care or even know
whats goin on.
does anyone know the importance of animation?
it shaped how we adults think.
think about it!

and most of the time the gxxxent would only fund
projects that has "malaysian" element in them.

most of us turn to other stuff. fashion. motion graphics.
3d. graphic design. some i reckon not even in this
industry anymore. probably selling insurances.

we all loved 2d animation back then.
our courses cost our parents RM40K.
3 years, and we learn kiddy stuff from
books that cost less than RM100 which
our lecturer were solely basing on.
and we had to put up with it cause
we have nowhere else to go because
we have already wasted the first 2 years
on foundation. we had to finish inable
to get that pointless certificate.
come to think of it now, the paper
is fuckin useless! i only keep it
with me now to remind me of the 40k
i owed my parents.

rip-off and cruel that's what i say.
can you imagine, even our education system
here sucks. and education is one of the
keys in the development of a nation.

we stupid people trained by stupid people.

and our poor parents workin hard just
to pay these motherfuckers. and also
because of how stupid-ambitiously-childish we
were.

and most people think that i'm rich that
i could afford to do this now.
i'm not. really. my bank account has
less than RM200 now. and my fuckin ex-comxxny
account don't even bother to pay me.
i'm telling you, most companies in malaysia
are evil-asshole big bully to the poor.

and there is no market for any of i and
my ex classmates to grow.

but, we are still trying. some.

i still feel bad once inawhile thinkin
back of how much time and money i wasted
of my parents.

even now i feel what i'm doin of my life
is quite pointless. where do i get off
this dream wagon of wanting to do art?
when will i rise and wakeup from this
childish endeavors?

and i'm not even brave enough to mention
the college/company name due to some cases of the
enforcement bringin the malaysian bloggers
down who bitch too much.

sorry. please don't lockme up.
i'm just trying to sound cool.

-chinyew

Day 07

we all have powers.

power to change things around us.
power to manipulate things.
power to affect lives.

our power is so great, we have no idea.
one single word from you would
change the entire nation.

i was changed by many people.
and so are you.
we are not ourselves. not even from the
beginning. not even our fathers. mothers.
or even our ancestors.

we are nobody. yet we have this power.
to change. many things. you. me.
we. they. all.

our feelings are not our own.
other feelings shaped our feelings.

the power of thought.
how "you" you think you are?
if the creator of blogs have not created blogs,
you reckon you'll still be here sitting infront of
this monitor reading this post?
or you'll be doin something else.
but what?

in every miliseconds, everyone is affecting everyone
elses life. and you are affecting mine.
and i'm affecting yours.

we'll see how this affects you:



ironically, today is the Ghost Festival for
the chinese.

-chinyew

Day 06

as i was doin this piece:

my player was playin:

Halfway through
Flight there to
Where will you go?
Falling down
On the ground
Where will you go, now?
Do you remember
What made you fall?
And does it matter
To you at all?

You wanna go, you wanna see
What lies could set you free
You wanna see, right?
You'll know this night

Halfway through
Flight there to
Where will you go?
It's a nice way, I think
To wake up with you

You cannot see them
When it is light
This is the reason
We go at night

In the darkest flight of my career
I am made blue all through
On my dark descend I persevere
I am thinking of you

Halfway through
Flight there to
Where will you go?
Falling down
On the ground
Where will you go, now?

It's a nice way, I think
To wake up with you
It's a nice way
I'm separated from you

It's a nice way, I think
To wake up with you
It's a nice way
I'm separated from you

i think music shape our life too often.
i've completely stop listening to any
sappy chinese music. not even the
radio. and only when the english station
are too dull. (they're dull most of the time anyway.
and i'm too fuckin lazy to convert my cds to
tapes. can't afford a cdplayer in my car either.
besides, car player are easily stolen these days.)

i have this habit of switchin
around station till i hear something i never
heard of. if none, i rather hear the noisy streets.

malaysia's radio station sucks.
it makes us dull. we hate the songs, but
due to the frequent playback, we somehow
got brainwashed into singin them.

we are so dull people that hardly anyone
heard of Snow Patrol. or even Mew.
and we only start diggin Killers when
everyone else in the world are already
tired of it. or maybe even when OC starts
to puke on it. don't get me started on television.
can you imagine how slow malaysian taste shaped?
we are fuckin retarded.

and what the fuck is Pussy Cat Dolls?
malaysian currently are crazy over these Doll chicks.
heard of Pussy Galore? they'll rock your pussies!

anyway, all i'm sayin is,
what music you listen to, shapes you.
and the exposure of music in Malaysia is so
fuckin slow, you don't even stand a chance
of knowing whats good and whats not.
and its not even our fault.
its the radio station!
we malaysian only stand a chance when we hit it
off to countries like Australia for studies,
and then we go,
"wahh..rave music, ah? so happenin woh.
who is this dj, ah?"

GAWD, MATE, YA NEVER FUCKIN HEARDOF DJ TIESTO?

(and there is no such thing as "rave music".)

yes, malaysia has no dance radio station.
atleast Singapore has a chill-out dance station.
i was in Johor once and i even heard them playin
Aphex Twin - come to daddy.

but thank God, internet and the xxx save some
of us.

as every average Malaysian kids, i only discover
Kurt after he died for about a year or so.
from Nirvana, i discovered Sonic Youth.
and thanks to the golden-age of internet then,
(whereby other country has already reach its silver-age)
i discovered more bands under Sonic Youth's link.

thanks to xxxx, i was able to grab hold of
a vhs movie of KIDS. the background music attracted
me. and thank god they had some copies of the soundtrack
sold here. and that album was the key of me
discoverin many more. i was saved. but still i realized
it was too slow. Slint was already a legendary band
when i discovered them. they shaped Mogwai and many
other bands. and local bands back then was still playin
grunge and hardcore. only lately malaysian underground scene
has developed a little. kids here are still playin
mogwai-like-music, when the states are already
dull with it. and they never even heard of Slint.
overall, we are a rip-off-outdated international
wannabe scene. but still, that's the least we could have.
i'm contempt. but i think it'll be even more fun to go
to a gig with music styles i never heard of.

and i'm only talkin about music here.
can you imagine of books, movies, etc?
all these element shaped us. it even help
the country to develop in a more advance
futuristic way. ofcourse music fuckin rules!
and ofcourse, music, books and all these
elements are a form of art.

and maybe you like the song that i shared today.
its by Mew. the song was released 2003. and i'm ashamed
to say that i only discover them last year. i was
away from all the arty-stuff during my 2002-2004 love circa.
and even the malaysian xxxx know that Mew are
good stuff. eventhough rarely, but with luck, you
could grab hold of their 2005 album-And the Glass Handed Kites.

you probably thinkin, you're an artist,
why are you supportin xxxx?
we don't have a fuckin choice.
one import cd probably cost round RM70-RM100.
that's like one week's fuckin meal.
who made it so expensive?
can't afford? let's just stick back to our
boring o'-Hit-the-fuckin-dull-radio stations!

we are dull and bad tasted not by our choice.
'cause we don't even fuckin know at the first place.

i wonder what stuff the states people are playin now.
probably some funky-weird-electronic-abstract-rock stuff.

don't ask me.
how the hell am i suppose to know?

i'm a malaysian after all, wut.

-chinyew

note:to be saved atleast of a teeny-bit, go buy this.

p/s: can you imagine, even my style seems
to be outdated and ugly through international eyes.
but i feel its beautiful. i guess.

(god, can't look.)

Day 05

now, this is what i'm gonna do:
i'm gonna first type this post 12am sharp.
then do the painting tomorrow mornin,
and then head to my 7:30pm gig.(my band is the
one with the smallest font, heh.) and then,
only try to get back here, and then TRY
to post the picture 11.59pm sharp, ok?

try.

anyway, here goes.
this is what i've got to say:



i have 3 good friends.
(and a few more, excuse me.
these are just examples of
the similar types of friends that we all
have.)

One who i share my ideas with.
debates sometimes. agree sometimes.
we might not be agreeing on some
certain things. but we respect
each others' idea.

Two who i also share my ideas with.
debate for hours but not realizin
that in fact we are actually looking
at the same point-view, which we
ourselves don't even realized.

Three who has the criteria
of them both. (sadly, who i have
lost contact with.)

and for today's painting-theme i present you,
love.

(which the painting i've also not seen
only much later.)

here, i'll help you with the panel:

((so try really hard to imagine it,ok?))

anything?

-chinyew

p/s: bonus, i'll throw you one of my
favourite love songs:

It had to be you. - Harry Connick Jr.

It had to be you, it had to be you
I wandered around, and finally found
The somebody who
Could make me be true,
And could make me be blue
And even be glad, just to be sad
Thinking of you

Some others I've seen,
Might never be mean
Might never be cross,
Or try to be boss
But they wouldn't do
For nobody else, gave me a thrill
With all your faults, I
Love you still
It had to be you, wonderful you
It had to be you

______________________________________


so what if i'm late.
i did say 'TRY'.
like anyone cares!
judging from the lack of comments
these days.

i'm trying to focus on the work rather than
the response/hits these days.

screw the response/hits!

but do note, like i said in my old post,
we all need encouragement.

anyway, here's the painting:

and the gig went pretty alright.
eventhough i knew some of my friends
couldn't dig it. gonna write about
'how music plays a role in shaping the society.'
one of these days.

till tomorrow.

-chinyew

Day 04

pheww.. day 4.

that's fast.

days are good.

so many things i want to do.
i want to fix the Gundam model.
i've bought it for nearly a month now.
i want to finish reading books.
i've bought them for nearly a year now.
i want to play Metal Gear Solid 3.
i've wanted since it was released.
i want to make comics again.
i've wanted it forever.
i want to finish writing the shortfilm script.
i've wanted it forever-forever.

sigh. so many things, so little time.

and you very well know that is just an excuse.
its nature that we humans are just plain lazy.
"technology" is a good example that we are
indeed the laziest beings in the world.
even we workin hard is just so we don't have
to work so hard anymore in the future.

what's wrong with just not workin?
you don't eat, that's what.
in this real world, you don't work,
you don't eat. so work!

does painting consider work?
many disagree. many feels that its only
a hobby.

isn't it great to have your hobby as your
work? luckily for some, it is so.
now, here's the tricky part:
when you able to make your hobby as work,
will your work be as fun as your hobby was?
or will your work be as "free" as your hobby was?
"free" meaning more flexible, through yr
own personal liking, which i feel its the
more natural-beautiful work.

you get what i'm trying to say here?

ok, i'll summarize again:

work hard=better living in the future.
you'll give anything and everything in able
to have that result.

hobby=fun,pleasure,releasing stress,free expression.

work+hobby=result>hobby
or
work+hobby=result=hobby

and look, i'm not saying that work brings me down
from fixing the Gundam toy or playin video games.
all i'm saying is:

hobby makes you happier or workin makes you happier?

now, what is life about again?

hobby or workin?

surviving or living.

the last one's not a question.

but a statement.

-chinyew

today's work:

Day 03

i checkup my last year's total hits.
3000+

how the fuck am i goin to beat that
this year?
almost seem impossible. eventhough
all the marketing effort i've done.
average hit perday is round 40+.
that equals to 40x30.... =
1200! that's not even half.
damn.

ahem.
hits are not important.
the art and spirit is what counts.

anyway,
met 2 friends today to discuss some
project. they have day jobs. good pay.
but not what they really want.
or let's put it this way, they simply
don't care anymore. they have commitments.
car. house. wife. kids. etc+
so, they just work. no question ask.
ambition? fuck ambition. don't even
blurp that word out infront of them.
but nice people. and talented too.

they knew what i was doin.
i was like a small joke to them.
but yet, they admire the passion.
i even encourage them to try.
and i was really surprised how hard
it is for them to even take out
1 month off of their lives.

on my way home, i suddenly realize how lucky
i am. maybe the breakup has a reason.
maybe all the fuckup jobs has a reason.
maybe all the failed attempts of relationship has a reason.
maybe, i am made to do this.
just maybe.

i heard from someone, that the economy's
gonna fall next year. all the signs are there.
the war. the petrol prices.

sigh. maybe by then, i fail
to find a job also has a reason to it.

just maybe this angel gonna save us all:

just maybe.

-chinyew


i dedicate this song to all striving artist out there:

"Save Your Day" - Jose Gonzalez

Poke the body with a stick roll it down
Ignore the moaning as it tumbles to the ground
Be brave and save your day
These days are cold
Numbers rule I've been told
The pattern is clear better fit in the mould
Be brave and save your day
To cough up sympathy isn't hard but it costs
Hold tight to your life savings
You have to do what you must
To save your day
So poke the body and roll it down
The grave looks cold but we're still young

Day 02

2nd day are the easiest.
an assure feelin of yesterday
that guarantees you today.

the best part of painting is,
seeing an idea comes to live
simultaneously.

i completely have no idea to
paint. except a theme in my mind,
which is the black and white forces.

and thus, come this first painting today:


satisfied, i painted the second one:



where ideas come from?
sometimes i feel its from the forces.
and sometimes i think its from our inner feelings,
which we have suppresses for too long.

its only healthy to let it all flow out.
and somehow, the big white flat empty canvases
sort of tempts you of doin it.
you could actually feel yr emotions momentarily
flows out as you slowly move yr brush of the
sticky-gluey paint onto the canvas surfaces.

life is good when you are an artist.
its only when the bills come, the romanticism dies.

my, its only the 2nd day, and i've already started
talkin negatively. (hint of tomorrow's work)

sigh.

-chinyew

Day 01

ahh.. the sweet smell of paint.
the grips of the brushes.
the smooth strokes onto the well-primed canvas.

i started off early. 4am.
slept at 8am. woke up at 2pm. continued.

the first day are the hardest.
you are blank with no idea to paint.
your strokes are doubtful.

the survival of the first day,
is also the happiest.
a confirmation to yrself that you
are still able to do it.

how could anyone not paint?
in the last few hours i felt relief.
a sense of "letting go".
i recall the meditation-like-feeling
when you paint.

and with deeper concentration,
you could actually time travel.

6pm. time to post.

-chinyew

Introduction

as i walk out of the office,
i felt a little terrified of the
comin month, August.

"its a bad time to quit yr job now."

these are the similar words i keep hearing from
people i know.

but as i said, i'm a "little" terrified.

a little.

but ofcourse, its scary.

quiting your job and paint.

"heh, paint."

especially when you quit even before you
find a new one.

but this is MORE than just painting.

this is about LIFE. and taking charge of it.

like a birthday gift to yrself.

a one month treat of doing the things
you like most.

and i love to be an artist.

and therefore i am.

for this month.

and hopefully, my further years to come.

hope you all will enjoy my run this month.

cheers!

*klink*

-chinyew

*brrp.*

just a little gap of space

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-chinyew

confused yet logical. sad but true.

warning: the following post are not suitable
for kids nor the easily influenced mind.

had a conversation with this 27 year old
editor. heard his views on life, career,
and relationships.

he visits the whore house occasionally.
his reasons sounded really logical and
understandable. he never had a relationship.
nor planning to have one soon either. is not
that he can't, is that he won't. yet.

overall, he doesn't believe in real love.
he only believe in materials and a living
companion. his criteria of companion are
not necessary to be beautiful. just as long
care is given among each other once in awhile,
that’ll do. and he also rather prefer of her to
love him more than he loves her.

beautiful chicks? you can always go to the nearest
whore house and you'll find a bunch of them.
so, why sweat of finding the perfect one as wife?
why get frustrated everytime you see a beautiful
girl only wishing that the guy next to her was you?
why cry over the beautiful girl who just broke up
with you? you can always find a similar one to her or
with a even better criteria just round the block.
and its not even that expensive. he even guarantees
that after a few visits, all yr love-heart-aches
will go away.

most guys does it anyway. even the good looking ones.
don't believe me? i'll bet with you 8 out
10 guy's passport has a sudden visit to Thailand.

want a wife, eh?
just go out there, despise how they look,
care for them, so that they will care for you,
and that's it. your life is set.

sex is just sex. companion is just a companion.

why worry so much?

let's get real, everyone wants to fuck the
best thing. and preferably some varieties to it.

his plan sound perfectly logical and reasonable.
except with a flaw.

real love.

but what is it anyway this so-called real love?

and i always hear them say, that the one you
always end up getting married to, is not the
one you love most.

then why bother getting married? or
even bother falling into real love at the first
place? in the end, you'll get heart broken
anyway.

the conspiracy behind real love is actually
"romance". setup a few romantic event/scene
and you'll get "real love". romance also
defines sex by the way. and you'll get all
the romance you want in the whore house.
i think the problem with us is that we're
film production people.

anyway, his conclusion was, get married to someone
who clicks with you, not someone you love,
or you think you love.

and currently, he has this good female friend
who don't mind him going to the whore house,
who even advise him to stop goin.

i told him that she sound like your future
companion. and he just smiled.

and i do think that most wife knows of their
husband's naughty habit aswell.
heck, i even heard tons of stories of female
cheating on their male partners.

so what's stopping you? religion? God forbids?
now, what if God doesn't exist? or your wife
don't mind, cause she understands that its
particular normal?

overall, i felt convinced yet something wasn't
right. it sounded logical of separating sex
away from companionship. i think deep down everyone
wants that, right? imagine this, yr wife gives
you greenlight to fuck Victoria if only you give
her the greenlight to fuck David.

right?

we ended our conversation of him saying
that he'll give me a ring if he visits
the whorehouse next time.

what, you think throughout the whole conversation,
i did not share with him my love story?

-chinyew

lane = give or take?

funny, how simple things in life
could teach you about yrself.

1 road. 2 lanes. both ends into 1 lane.
the right lane closes into the left one.
and jams occurred due to that.
its obvious, the cars at the left lane
are the ones who are going straight,
so, no bother slipping between cars
just to squeeze through the road.
and the cars at the right lane are
the ones simply takin its turn to cut through
the left lane.

2 lanes are equally jammed. you'll
see each car takes its turn. left, then right.
then left, then right. like an understanding
of, let's say that you're at the left lane,
and the car infront of you drives straight
without letting the cars at the right lane
to cut through. and logically, you should
let the next car at yr right to drive through.
and the car behind you previously, shall
just drive through. and so, the process
goes on and on. give, take, give, take.

its also obvious that the left lane-queues
tend to be a little longer compared
to the right lane.

if you look closely at this scenario,
the left ones are the ones "givin" the right
lane to cross. they are either lazy to cut
through cars or they are just very "givin" people.
and the right ones are the ones "takin".
they probably are more efficient people,
but they are also the more selfish-ego people.

i drive through this road everyday.
and i realize i mostly "take", instead of
"givin." i'm ashame of myself.

you?

-chinyew