30th of May

i'll always remember this date.

and dancing to this song.

-chinyew

run, boy! RUN!

i received a message today..

"you need a hug. there."

i replied,

"thanks, that's sweet."

and she replied.

"see, not all girls are evil."

girls evil? is this how everyone thinks of me?
i don't find girls evil.

i find PEOPLE evil.

including myself.

friends. family. dad.
politician. bosses. workers.

but i do agree that there is also GOOD people out there.
like the one who msg me.

but do keep in mind,
its only the matter of time for any apple to turn sour & rotten.

everybody has a price.

anyway, i do need a hug.

-chinyew

..one with it...

i see so many beautiful people out there.
holding hands.

after watching "Breakfast at Tiffany", it made
me feel that there is always somebody for everybody
out there.

somewhere.

so, i'm sure mine is out there somewhere.
isn't it a waste if i just stayed at home and wait
for it to come. my other half might be assuming
the same. and we'll never ever meet.

so, i decided to go out and find my One.
but soon, it only made me realized it is so hard
for a guy like me to reach out. i can't believe
anyone who is in my position could ever find anybody.

i have hardly any girlfriends. not in workplace.
not in personal basis either. a few. but mostly
are attached. and some, i assumed they only enjoy
my company merely as friends. and i do enjoy
them as friends too. its just so hard to find
somebody that fits you. or its so hard to make
yrself fit for anybody.

it is so hard for modern lonely people to reach
out for a hug. internet does help some, if you
don't mind the less romantic scenario.

but i repeat, i just finished watching "Breakfast at Tiffany."
so excuse me, i do have alittle demand here.(and alittle sensitive.)

i see many beautiful girls walking by. some with
a boyfriend. some with friends. some with family.
never alone, like me. felt pretty weird of being
alone like that, like a stalker. but i keep telling myself that
there is nothing to be ashamed of. everybody needs
somebody. and i'm merely one of the everybody
who is helping himself.

but not easy. so i gave up. went home and
enter my room again. with a smoke and a dvd.

and that's life.

you try and you come to realize that its
hopeless. eventhough you've tried.

-chinyew

a year back...

please note that strips were drawn a year back.

thanks.

funny. looking back.

i've changed.

she has.

everything.

*smirk*

-chinyew

f**k! f**k! f**k!

have you ever feel tired of yrself?

feddup of the way you look and talk.

i'm so sick of myself that i can't
stand being myself.

don't want to think.
don't want to speak.
don't even want to elaborate here.

-chinyew

sigh.

been assigned to do some chores
in the office. early mornin chores.

so, i head home early.

hell with overtime.

how great is it to come home early,
eat with mom then proceed to my room
earlier.

life can't be anymore sweeter.

sigh.

i've nearly released most of my anger,
running out of things to say.

i realize i write better if i'm angry.

sigh.

-chinyew

hey, you... FUCK YOU!

look, i'm not fuckin catering for you here, ok?
i can say whatever fuckin thing i want.
and don't try and threaten me with yr fuckin visits.
you think i fuckin care?

THIS is what i fuckin care, ok?

anyway, (ahem)

thanks Verna for the comforting email.
unlike other positive comments, yours
contained reality and most importantly,
yr honesty. i like the true-fact where
there is no guarantee of a "better tomorrow".

i mean, ofcourse, being positive and all
is great. it helps you to move-on. don't get
me wrong, i'm not stressing on being negative here.
i'm only saying, what if, and i really mean, what if,
there is no "better tomorrow"?

you can't keep lying to yrself for the rest
of yr life that there is, can you?

i'm sure hope there is for me, and
for all of you ofcourse.

but seriously from where i'm standing,
the sun ain't coming.

anyway, these past days i've been getting this
temper in me. i get angry easily on the road.
i show my finger here and there. i sarcastically
criticize everyone for their stupidly. even
to the food stall worker. grocery, banks, etc.

i'm pissing everyone off in my office even.

i can't help it. i'm just so angry inside.
i don't want to. i just don't know how
to handle this anger in me. but, everyone's
action irritates me. their hypocrisy. their
inefficiently. their 2-face-lying-bastard.
their greed for office power.

girls. don't get me started.
i hold back, they tempt me.
i reach out, they back out.
then, i hold back again, and
they start to tempt me again.

i've had it with all this love game.

its final, and i'm gonna be fuckin
firm from now on. i'm gonna hold the
hell back all the fuckin way. stay
at home and watch my dvds. and wait
for my true love to be send by God.(phmmt..)

i mean, it could possibly be only my feelings.
probably they really only want to be friends.
well, i mean, you tell me, whats the best
way to play the safe game, not to be pissed
at them and myself?

stay in the fuckin castle!

and wait.

sigh.

well, anyway, supporting the fact with my last
post, the world's idea of love these day suck anyway.

a spit to the world, people and of course myself,

puttt--tooi!

-chinyew

..just wait...

you know what's the problem with
people these days?

they fucked each other lives up.

well, i'm trying to be optimistic here.
so far, i haven't heard or seen a beautiful story.
(except for she and him, ofcourse.)

but anyway, that's beside the point.
i fucked-up hers and she fucks up mine.

i hear stories from people. sad relationships
stories. stories supporting to me that real
love is close to -nil.

even the good ones, had turned bad now.
which even disappoints me more.

friends getting divorced.

dad doesn't want to pay our petrol now.
i mean its fine. its not 'bout the money.
but its the only last thing he ever paid
for me. i mean, his always not around.
i didn't get much of a father from him
anyway, except for the bills and fees.
now, he has decided to stop paying entirely
anything for me. and fully concentrate
on other things which he finds more
important.

well, anyway, mom and dad are sort
of half separated. too complicated to
elaborate here.

but, you see my point? there ain't no
fairy tales. no prince and princess.

i wish there was. i really do.
hey c'mon, i'm sure everyone does.

but the fact is,

-nil.

-chinyew

p/s:if you've read my artistcrisis.blogspot,
you'll notice that this is my no.100 strip posted.
yeah! i mean, there is always a lucky thing to the
no.100 rite? well..like anybody cares.

hey, i'm being optimistic here, ok!

black suit.

just filling up here. i know some people
come here for art and shit. well, here's
some art and shit. the continuation from
artist crisis. i'll post one everyday till
end of this month. cheers.

-chinyew

there seem to be no solution.

i had it all down.

i produced it with limited budget.

i begged free talents.

i locked down a difficult location.

i did a hard-effort animatics.

i got the band leader agree to the idea.

i went through directing it. (thank God for good weather.)

i logged down the shots.

i broke down the shots for editing.

i did my own offline-cut.

i hold up my patience for the lack of respect from
the editors.

i survived. i thought.

few minutes before the grand premier of the
mtv, in a crowded room of people, press, musicians,
fans, the band leader walked up to me, and complained
bout the cuts, angle, color, effects, but yet he
said he love the idea.

a moment ago, i felt nothing. after he said that,
i felt the pressure. the eyes. the aura.

it played. clapped. and that was it.

except for my feelings.

adding on to everything, i felt like a failure.

went back home. bought mom dinner.

talked to her about life.

told her that i was sorry for being a failure.

told her how i felt about love these days.

how she, dad, bestfriends and my ex proves to
me, true love doesn't exist. proves to me that
love dies eventually.

told her, that she shouldn't hope for me to have
a proper family of my own.

i told her that i love her, and i'll take care
of her no matter what.

and i could see through her eyes. that she blames
herself for bringing up a negative kid.

i told her that i'm not negative. i'm just facing
realities.

time and time again, the world proves to me
that what i see of everything is right.

there seem to be no solution for my kind
of sickness.

-chinyew

ass-cunt producer.

came back from a fuckin boring
corporate video job. i drove atleast
300km there and back. on a fuckup
half-dead van. engine sounded like
aeroplane, except i could only go
max 60mph or black smoke comes out
of the exos and polute the fuckin air.

i used to drive and see vans like that
and think how ignorant these drivers are.
and i realized now that it wasn't the
driver's fault. it was the fuckin bosses
fault who ask the driver to drive that
particular van. ofcourse a much cheaper
van. so cheap, that the driver couldn't
stand being in it, that he has to drive
fast to get over it. thus, the black
smoke.

and that's life most of the time.

one fellow crew has recently resigned.
he worked for the company almost 5 years.
he was the multi-purpose-hands-on production
crew. he learned everything from his talented
elder brother, who also once worked for
the same company. his brother quit. same
reason he is now. underpaid.

he is 30+ years old. a wife and a kid.
he worked long hours. when something is broken,
he fixed it. long distance shoot, he'll drive.
and the company still pays him the same salary
he had 5 years ago.

he took a risk. he consulted the boss.
boss said no. and so he resigned. and
boss, say ok, no problem.

and i was the driver for the last shoot.
black smoke. aeroplane engine sound.
and my position for the shoot was,
producer. ass-cunt producer.

i see myself in him.

-chinyew

You Make 30dayartist!

WE NEED YOUR VIEWS.

The mail we get from people wanting to be 30day artist is growing.

1.We've queued people up till the end of the year, but we're still getting more intrest.

We need a new way to pick our 30 day artist. How we decide will be largely based on your views.

2. At the moment, @ 30day artist, we basicly let the artist do what ever they want, should there be rules/guidelines?

what should those Rules/guidelines be?

Ming

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