i had it all down.
i produced it with limited budget.
i begged free talents.
i locked down a difficult location.
i did a hard-effort animatics.
i got the band leader agree to the idea.
i went through directing it. (thank God for good weather.)
i logged down the shots.
i broke down the shots for editing.
i did my own offline-cut.
i hold up my patience for the lack of respect from
the editors.
i survived. i thought.
few minutes before the grand premier of the
mtv, in a crowded room of people, press, musicians,
fans, the band leader walked up to me, and complained
bout the cuts, angle, color, effects, but yet he
said he love the idea.
a moment ago, i felt nothing. after he said that,
i felt the pressure. the eyes. the aura.
it played. clapped. and that was it.
except for my feelings.
adding on to everything, i felt like a failure.
went back home. bought mom dinner.
talked to her about life.
told her that i was sorry for being a failure.
told her how i felt about love these days.
how she, dad, bestfriends and my ex proves to
me, true love doesn't exist. proves to me that
love dies eventually.
told her, that she shouldn't hope for me to have
a proper family of my own.
i told her that i love her, and i'll take care
of her no matter what.
and i could see through her eyes. that she blames
herself for bringing up a negative kid.
i told her that i'm not negative. i'm just facing
realities.
time and time again, the world proves to me
that what i see of everything is right.
there seem to be no solution for my kind
of sickness.
-chinyew
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
1 comment:
Yeah ok, it's all fucked up, everything all the time, yes it is.
seems like the choice then is to sink down into the communal mud & go blind & let the worms crawl in my ears - or try to somehow float on top if it & catch a glimpse of the sky.
a quote from... oh, I forgot his name now. Bad memory. Anyway:
"we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars"
kinda trite in a way, but kinda inspiring too.
For me, anyway.
I figure, you know, someday I'll be lying on my deathbed, thinking "what did I do with my life? My one shot at earthly existence? Did I waste my time, or not?"
My greatest fear is to die with regrets.
Not regrets about things I can't control, like what people around me do, or the state of the environment or politics or whatever -- but to die knowing that the music was on & I didn't dance...
At the end of my life, I know I won't be able to lie to myself. Blame others, etc. It's up to me to dance.
Oscar Wilde. That was the guy who wrote the bit about the gutter & the stars. Ha ha, I remembered. Memory not so bad after all.
+
Post a Comment