Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Day 79: New home (room)

Spent the whole day collecting payment
and buying new stuff for my new room.

Didn't realize the paint crack on the wall
when I first saw it. But nevermind, am
still happy with the room, despite not
having wi-fi but lan cable internet. grrrr!

but still-it was fine, and they also didn't
provide bed blanket, grrr... it's okay!

some friends said that i'm actually paying
a little too much for my first place.
but i've been searching around Jakarta
and this is the most comfortable one
that i could. comfortably is very important
in this stressful job. i get fucked mostly
all the time. i need to be at my toes
to make sure everything's fine with the
shoot. pressure-pressure. so after a long
day work, i need to come back to a place
where i can call home and comfortable.

so here i am.

bought tons of stuff. water dispenser,
bread toaster, fork and spoon, cups,
speakers, laundry bag, blanket,
cereal, instant noodles, milk, orange
juice, bowls, power extension, cables,
etc, etc. spent bout RM500.

moving all the stuff into the room
makes me feel so many details needed
merely just for a room.

building a house is not easy.
imagine building a family.

i've got a long more way to go.


Monday, May 30, 2011

Day 78: Moving Out

Today's my last day at uncle's place.
It's been great living here. All the
liquor, talks and FIFA.

Have packed all my stuff.

Tomorrow, new place. Excited.
Tons of stuff need to buy.
More money out.

My first place by myself.


Tomorrow, no work, so I'm just
gonna spend the time by moving
and making my new room my home.

It's hard to say goodbye to the



Sunday, May 29, 2011

Day 77: Motorcycle in Jakarta

Borrowed a friend's motorcycle
to ride around the area to look
for my own place. It was scary
like hell riding in Jakarta.
Beside it's been almost 10 years
since I last ride the motorcycle,
which ended up in an accident.
wasn't badly hurt but bad enough
to make me paranoid of riding

i had no choice but to ride today.
traffic in Jakarta is really crazy.
i have to say, fuckin scary!

but i survived. and found my place.
pretty neat place. will try and
upload pictures the next time.

will be moving on the 1st June.
will have to say goodbye to the
cats. saddest of all, no more
fifa with uncle. :)


Saturday, May 28, 2011

Day 76: Never say Never again

I learned to never say never again.
Life is like a cycle.
When you think you've learned,
and tell yourself never again,
and then you fall again.

you will judge yourself.
you'll feel ugly and disgusted with
yourself. you'll feel like hopeless
failure. cause you are not that
good in keeping the word 'never again'.

so i learn the irony of saying,
'never say never again'.

atleast now, i allow myself to fall.
allow myself to be wrong. again and again.

i don't mind, as long i make the best
out of this short span of life we have.

learn to hate less, and learn to love more.


Day 75: Sometimes you hate it, sometimes you love it.

i had the craziest night last night.
the first rave ever in Jakarta for me.
at least consider my first night out.
Dash Berlin music was not bad.

Came back in the morning.

Bloody tired.

Slept, woke up and typed this.


Thursday, May 26, 2011

Day 74: Pacing up

Already starting a new project.
Facial wash product. Haven't
done one before. Picking the
perfect model is very crucial.
Scanning through all the models.
Imagine having such high standard
of beauty, detailing every facial
aspects of the model, makes you
into a perfectionist of beauty.

imagine now, having to find yourself
a partner. will you criticize and
filtered only the best?

is there ever the best?

everyone has it's flaws.

do you like yourself very much?
do you see your flaws clearly?
too clearly? or yr blinded,
thinking you are the best.

as a director, you HAVE to think
yr the shit, and see the flaws
of others sharply.

once you lose that, you lose it.


Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Day 73: Day 2, it's a wrap!

After all the pain and struggle,
accusation and fucking up things,
screamed at, praised at, accidents,
insults, laughter, stress, passion,
it all balls down to the final
moment when you screamed 'It's a wrap.',
listening carefully to the reaction;
their reaction judges the result
of the shoot. you hear people screaming
in joy, and clapping. how loud they
clap, how loud they scream, it rationalize
their feelings toward the shoot. as a
director you judge it.

a scream of joy and clap could mean that
they have enjoyed the shoot with you,
or it could also mean that they are
glad to be done with you.

the worse is, no reaction, where everyone
just pack and leave as fast as possible.

that definitely means that they didn't
enjoy the shoot at all.

shaking hands is a very important
custom too. a sense of gladness that
we have survived the same war despise
how much conflict we had during
the shoot, cause now we all shared
the same war scars.

a shoot is never just a shoot.

it's more than that.

most importantly and definitely
it's about 'friendship'.


Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Day 72: Day 1 of Shoot

My 2nd job as an assistant director today.
Another pizza shoot. God you should see how
much food is wasted and spent on a commercial.

the poor talent probably had ate like 10 plates
of spaghetti of having to do more than 100 takes
just on a 1-second shot of him having a bite.

to get the precise shot is so tricky.
for a normal tv director, i see most
takes were almost the same. that's
where i've to convert and learn from
the commercial director.

back in my TV days we are to shoot everything
fast. like 10 scenes a day. 2 days shoot per
half hour episode. contrast to commercial
a full 12 hours day shoot for a merely 30 seconds.
that's the precision and integrity needed to
direct a spot.

it's bloody tricky and i'm trying to learn
as fast as i can. being an assistant director
is a complete different genre to directing.
it's a little bit mixture of time management
and sensitivity of visual plus handling
emotions of the entire crew. you have to rule
them yet make sure that they are happy with
you, yet you are the most probably the first
person to get blame if anything fucks up.
from both the director and producer.
yr like a middle man in communication with
everyone, from the camera department to
art department and to lodging department
and finally pleasing the director of having
a comfortable shoot for his creativity
to unleash. and creative people sometimes
are not very well tempered people.
and producers can be very precise and calculative
in all manner. so be prepared, assistant director.

there are really good and respected assistant
directors that no directors nor producers
dare to pick on or find fault in. basically,
they just surrenders the whole shoot to
the assistant director.

it takes time.

and am learning.


Monday, May 23, 2011

Day 71: !@#!$% Part 2

The dreadfulness continues..
Took a cab and got lost.
Driver didn't know the place.
Google map showed me a wrong direction.
took me 2 hours to reach the destination,
which apparently supposed to take only an hour.
The fare was bloody expensive.

Was late for the workshop.

Then went to another production house
for another job. Got paid for storyboards
i did.

Bought friends dinner and cigarettes.
Was told that I should tip 2 parties.
That's how Jakarta works,
a tipping country.



Sunday, May 22, 2011

Day 70: !@#!$%

Had more meetings today.
Bringing myself up.
Gotto try and spoke more
in meetings. Present myself.

Anyway, feeling damn crappy now.
Lost a bet to a friend of football.
Stoke lost today. One goal difference
to Newcastle at the league table.

So I've to buy 2 Newcastle jersey,
one for him and one for myself. Fuck!
And we've to wear it at the studio
back in KL.

Don't feel like going back to KL now.

but anyway, I look at it as my first
gateway into football. Oh-i pay dearly.
having a team to support is painful.
especially them not winning.

fuck! just one goal difference.
Fucking going bonkers that Stoke
didn't even score one single goal
against Wigan at home ground. WTF!!




sigh... gonna TRY to sleep.
tomorrow got workshop for another



Saturday, May 21, 2011

Day 69: Dream

Had a really weird dream.
Visited a friend's house.
Outside the house, the ground
was dry-cracked mud.
waited for her outside.
then she came out, we walked.
had a conversation with her.
she was a close friend.
i joked and flirted with her
of us being together.
then she gave me a tired-serious
look and said "i'll only be serious when
you start becoming serious."
i gave her a guilty-smile and shaddup.
we walked in silent to a food court.
we ordered fried kuey teow.
then i woke up.

would have been nice if i've gotten
the chance to eat that fried kuey teow.

that's how dream always is,
waking up at the very moment
you are about to enter climax.
turn off.

had constipation today.

bottoms-upped a glass of papaya juice.

had fun doing the test shoot today.
director was kind enough to give
me the opportunity to hold the camera
and direct the talent.

he told me that i needed to learn about
the camera. i'm glad that he's willing
to teach me.

haven't had a teacher for a long time.

never stop learning.

you can never stop learning.


Friday, May 20, 2011

Day 68: I wasn't even that good

Woke up and went to an agency for meeting.
Yeah, it almost sound mundane rite?
The same old activity.
But-yeah, in commercial production it's
like that. Gone are the days where I wake
up anytime I want. Paint or draw whenever
I want. No worries about paying rent,
food, etc. All covered. Go to the mall
during weekdays, daytime.
Grab some pints of Guinness. Watch
movies with large LCD all day long.
Yep, living the artist life.

Gone. All gone. Have not touch my
brush or ink for almost half a year now.


I'm done being poor.

Simple as that.


Thursday, May 19, 2011

Day 67: Scarface

Do I work hard enough?

Rewatched Scarface today,

Tony Montana: In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.

Jakarta no?

Went to the director's house today to
revise the storyboard. Taking the cab
to his house is quite costly now since
he moved. In a month, the total might
cost me almost a month's rental. might
as well I start moving near his place.

Visited his assistant who was sick.
Reminded me that I should exercise
more to keep myself fit and healthy.

Came back and run.

Tonight's sleep gonna be good.


Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Day 66: Meeting sucks time.

Meeting sucks time.

entire day, just gone like that.
meetings. dominating the day.

waking up, only seeing minutes of
sunlight, then you enter the room,
meeting, walking out, night.

just like that. another day.

head home. bought microwave dinner.
bought extra for tomorrow morning.

reached home, shower. pop some vitamins.
drank a glass of water. type this blog.
write my diary. still wondering,
where did all the sunlight go.

watch a couple of episodes of The Wire.
doze off.

hey, sunlight!




Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Day 65: Aww fuc..!

woke up and started working on the board.
will ADing the next job. my second.
there's another one lining up.
so far so good.

just can't wait to get my ass into

anyway, during I was back in KL,
i was able to shot a clip with
some friends.

go click LIKE if you think i deserve
to win. anyway i and my friends
agreed if we ever win anything with
this clip, we'll stop smoking FOREVER.

whole day spent at director's house
working on the board and preparation
for tomorrow's production meeting.

had only cereal in the morning,
and only after 1am I was able to
have my dinner. fxkin crazy rite?

anyway, watched football. my team
lost again. fxxk! fxxk! fxxk!

well, there's the final match
this Sunday that decides either
i or my friend will win the bet.

will let you know what's the bet
about after i win.



Monday, May 16, 2011

Day 64: Start work again...

woke up early and went to the agency
quite early. was the first to arrived.

great to see everyone again.

nothing much happened, except waited
at the hospital for quite awhile.


Sunday, May 15, 2011

Day 63: Home massage

Not feeling well today.
must be the food i ate yesterday.

director couldn't make it for meeting
today, so no work for today.

stayed at home. slept the entire day.

then went out for rib steak.
fantastic. cheap and tasty.

then came back home, called the massage
parlor. bloody cheap compared to the
price i pay in KL.

everything's pretty cheap here in Jakarta,
except when you go to the mall.

bloody sleepy now after the massage.
shall crash to bed now.

till tomorrow.


Saturday, May 14, 2011

Day 62: Brunch and cholesterol!

had brunch. prawns, pancakes, bloody mary
and sausages. felt so full. then came
back home and watched The Rite. a horror
movie about exorcism. nothing that i haven't
seen. but i like the last scene where the
skeptic young priest finally gives in and
believe. very touching scene. think i shed
a tear or two.

maybe i'm currently goin through that
same phase. i now know He exist. but
it's hard for me to have faith in him,
after what i've done. all my wrong doings.
i feel so hard to forgive myself.

but-anyhow, at night i had more high
cholesterol food, goat's feet soup.
yummy! the oil and egg yolk.
came back home drank tea and watched
the FA cup final. my favorite team, Stoke
City was playing.

i never liked football. till i came to
jakarta. influences from some friends.
every guy here seems to talk only about

i needed a team to support. but i didn't
want to be so cliche like the rest of
just choosing the best team. i wanted a
team that had meaning to me.

and i remembered watching this match
with my friends. this team had a guy
who had a very powerful throw in.
thought the team had a very interesting
character. the team beat my friend's
team on that day.

then watched another match with a different
team, and the very underdog team beat
his team too.

since i decided Stoke City shall be it.

i love underdogs.

people used to laughed at me when i tell
them i supported Stoke City. and they'll
go 'Stoke who?'

eventhough they have lost the cup to Man.City,
but still being in the final really meant
something for underdogs like Stoke.

anyway. that's it for today.
tomorrow, start work!

go underdogs!



Friday, May 13, 2011

Day 61: Missing?

Day 60 post is missing.
according to blogger.com, they said
they will restore the post soon.

hopefully, it's still there.
getting deleted is painful.

would you like to be deleted?

i've been deleted many times.

stayed home the entire day today.

ate cereal and watch movies.
again. yeah-life can be pretty
dull when you are at a new place
and hasn't made any friends yet.

late evening thought i'll take
a walk to get dinner. but the rain
was still pouring. so i call in
McDees instead.

while i was showering, i understand
how hard it was for anyone to be
in a foreign country leaving alone.

feeling a lil tired today.
not sure why. maybe it's my emotion.

shall sleep in early today.


Thursday, May 12, 2011

Day 60: More walks.

Woke up. Had cereal. favorite combination;
corn flakes with a little of honey stars.
there's something about the mixture of
these 2 cereals. their texture, one slightly
crunchier and one slightly softer. their
taste; one non sweet, and one sweet.
when both are soak with milk, mm-mmph!

watched a korean flick. pretty good;
The Man From Nowhere.
mixture of Taken and Oldboy.

late afternoon, i started my walk in
the city again. had Radiohead's new album
as my first playlist. Then Last Night OST
and finally as the day turns dark, Social
Network OST.

the air is horrible. fxxkin polluted.
i walked further this time. i really
think it's less healthier to walk
in Jakarta then not walk.

but i really feel that if you need to
know the city, walking it is the best.

google map said i walked bout 10km.

reached home. bloody tired.

house mate thought i was crazy.
walking in jakarta is a bad idea
because of the pollution. she
reminded me that this is not London.
thought to myself then,
yeah-i miss walking in London.
i remembered carrying a huge printer.

news today state that Jakarta is ranked 39th
of the world's well-off communities.
London is ranked top 2, next to New York.

came back home and had awesome roast chicken+
char siew + siew yok + sour vegetable soup.

well, atleast i can have those here
and not in london.

oh-what the hell, can't win them all.


Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Day 59: walk-and-walk

woke up at afternoon.
made myself toast and coffee.
then watched 'True Romance'.
a cult hit written my Quentin Tarantino.

not bad. didn't like the ending though.
too cliche.

then i took a walk. wanted just walk
around the apartment. then decided i should
walk to the supermarket across the apartment
to get some groceries. then i thought maybe
i just check out what's showing at the cinema.
didn't had a movie i wanted to watch.
checked the google map to see where else
cinema was nearby.

walked. and walked.
then saw some interesting apartments.
checked out availability and rent.
expensive. but bloody nice. had an
awesome gym room, beautiful view,
fancy room, flat screen, clean kitchen,
the receptionist was kinda cute too.
but WAY off my budget.

maybe someday, maybe.

walked to a mall, and they didn't had
a cinema. so i walked to another. and
another. looked at the time, i've been
walking for more than 3 hours. no wonder
the songs in my iphone was starting
to irritate me.

finally found a fancy mall that had
a cinema. there was 3 movies showing.
one i saw, second was crap, third i
imdb it and it had a 7.2 rating.
so-what the hell, i've walked miles
to get here. bought the ticket.
friggin cheap. i love jakarta.

hungry. went to the food court.
saw a poster with a tasty looking fish soup.
tried it. not bad. didn't taste the fish
though. but not bad.

walked around. remembered i had to
get groceries. bought cereal, bread and milk.
miss those cereal balls with yogurt i had
in london. then looked for blackmores pills
for my stomach. they didn't had any.
found out Jakarta don't carry Blackmores.
WTF!*exclamation, cause i'm not asking)

after the movie, took a cab home. paid the
driver and realized how far i've walked.



Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Day 58: feels like...

It feels really weird coming back to Jakarta,
cause the feeling feels like coming home.
Jakarta is not my home, but it does feel like

KL now feels like a holiday.

Feels the gradual transformation and adaptation.

The two cats greeted me as I opened the door
to the apartment.

At the plane, one of the stewardess was pretty
cute. the first and best i've seen so far
of all the flights i've taken back and forward.

sigh, planes feels like buses now.

i dive into my bed in jakarta.

took a deep breath.

gawd-feels so tired. it's been a satisfying
trip. hung out with friends. 2 weddings.
watched football. outdoor rave at Sunway Lagoon.
spa. watched tons of movies. even shot a spec
commercial with some friends. great to visit
my old animator friends. they'll be helping
out with the CG for the spec.

2 deaths though; uncle, went back mom's hometown
for the funeral. and my 700GB hardisk of downloaded
movies, inclusive of 720p and 1080p collection, died.

am still mourning over it.

Sunway Lagoon brought back some memories.
Gawd, she was so young then.
Love literally tasted sweet.

Oh-well, moving on now.