Wednesday, July 04, 2012

Day 433: The Day I Met Her

The day I met her it all changed.

I always have things pre-programmed.

When she came into my life, it all went berserk.

I had to rethink alot of things.

I realized I wasn't as stable as I thought I would be.

I should take time off to be alone and understand
about myself more before heading forward.

But if she feels the same, I'd love to join her.


Monday, May 07, 2012

Day 344

Was in KL for a week.
All my trips are fantastic.

Met a new friend.
She's like an update version of all the
girls i've met.

She has the perfect criteria that I like.

But always the question goes back to
whether are my criteria fits them.

our geographical and future timeline are
quite different and far apart.

we know what we want.

the cards are clear.

aftermath of Bersih 3.0 was still rippling
when I was in KL.

sigh, my country has been broken into
2 sets of mind.

hopefully the breaking doesn't get much worse.

some of us just don't realize how wonderful Malaysia
is as compared to many countries.

i wish we could get ourselves together before anything gets

mom's TV is broken. told her it was a good sign for
her to realize she has so much more time to do other
things as compared to just spent the entire day on a couch
watching TV.

watched Avengers in the cinema. it was fantastic!

felt like a kid again.

signed the scholarship papers.

can't wait for NY to happen.

at the same time, nervous and stress out
with so many preparation.

now let's hope i make more money till then...


Friday, April 27, 2012

Day 340

Do you have any idea how time flies?

I mean really.

Time really flies.

It is not a metaphor commonly muttered out.

It is a true fact.

I can be witness of it!


well, anyway...

It's been too long.

Meeting someone is difficult.

I mean really.

Getting to know an opposite who someone has characteristics
that fascinates you. It's all about that right? Having characteristics
that attracts people.

Not only affectionately, but also in professionally.

In my industry, I've to show my affection for my love
of the craft, the art of film making. and merely a craft
that tells story in the moving visual format.

 I love comics.

I miss comics.

But I make more money by using my talent
to sell commercials. Make money.

 It's all about surviving here in Jakarta.

It's all about making the best out of it.

All about enjoying life to the fullest.

Nobody suffers here.

It may seem they are, but I'm quite certain
after living in Indonesia, or Jakarta at least,
that people here strive to live, to have the
best in life of every possibility they can.

They can.

It does get tiring sometimes.

That is why, as I grow older I understand
what this means. Of finding characteristic
in that opposite that attracts you, in any

And you exchanging the intellectual subject
of whatever level, that somehow fascinates
both of you, you have found love.

And love is what the Beatles and John Lennon had
been talking about. Hell, the Bobs of Dylan and Marley
were geniuses who wrote songs about love.

And where it only matters.

Yet I deny not the truth, that when it comes
to craftsmanship skill that you possess,
love does exist too in that manner.

Love not only the sexually or beings type,
but the universally posses nature of caring
and wanting and longing and dreaming
and craving, that it exist in all beings.

Everyone wants it, we longs for it,
hell, we fuckin NEED it.

Jesus talks about love.

And I live here, always looking, wondering
and staring at a culture I newly discover,
I interprets of what i know, and let it blends
comfortably in my system,

I learn.

and learn.

and learn.

and learn.
and learn.




Saturday, April 07, 2012

Day 319: It's been too long

Had an intense shoot while I was back in KL.
Synchronicity links all the star together and
everything went perfectly fine.

Told my current boss that I needed to go
home to shoot a viral for a friend. He told
me okay, and when I come back I should
test the Red Scarlet camera for him. Told
him okay.

As I walked out his room, an idea hit me,
why not kill 2 birds with 1 stone.

And so he flew a DP and an assistant from
Jakarta to Malaysia to shoot the viral for me.

Amazingly the DP used to live in NY for 12 years.
Perfect friendship for me to ask about NY before
I head there this Dec.

And so we shot for 3 days, a van, total 5 of us,
lots of joy, traveled the entire KL city, with
a Red Scarlet, ran away from security guards,
lost my voice, good food, drinks and a lovely
cute doberman.

The shots look amazing and definitely a plus
to my reel, and definitely gonna crack me
more gigs.

Before I flew back to Jakarta manage to catch
up with Mom, was able to see her off to Taiwan,
and she came back right before I head back to
Jakarta. Had a great meal with her, we chatted,
and she was full of joy and laughter. I'm proud
of her and she's my superhero. I know it's
strange to say this from a son, but my mom
have matured alot since I last saw her.

I spent my birthday while working.
31 this year. Am getting very much older.

Every end of a relationship seems to be an anchor
to my life. Moving on but yet the drag of the weight
is still there. But definitely moving on.

Thoughts does cross my mind sometimes,
what and why am I doing here.

So many things have change, so many things
have grown and end.

Managed to see the painting studio for one
last time. We moved our paintings out.
I remembered I lost a coupon for long distance
call 2 years ago. Thought of a plot, if I've found
it now, I would call her. At least to say Hi,
and that I miss her. Nothing more than that.

But of course, life is not a plot, nor movie.

Paintings were moved out, end of an era,
end of a chapter.

Great to see Emma, my god daughter.
She can walk now. And mumbles.
I'm sure the next time I'm back,
she'll be able to talk.

Back and forwd, that's my life now.
Taking planes like buses.
Finishing big jobs, dealing with
big bosses and clients, managing
work politics, filtering people
that doesn't matter and people
who does.

All is good, all is fine.

Started smoking again,
coughing like fuck.

Stopped running.

Keep telling myself, tomorrow is gonna be better.
Tomorrow I'll make the big bucks,
tomorrow I'll do the cool+big jobs,
tomorrow I'll find her,
tomorrow I'll give mom the big cash that she'll be proud,
tomorrow I'll have time to finish the last chapter
of I See So Many Butterflies,
tomorrow I'll be healthy again, read a book, eat healthy,
drink less coffee, less alcohol.
tomorrow she'll find me.


Sunday, February 26, 2012

Day 286:Speeding Life

Life moves so fast.

So many things have changed in the last 5 days:

1. I've went in-house with a Production House that
has helped me to extend my working visa.

2. I've moved out from my place,
and moved back into Uncle's.

Both concurrently happened at the same time!

Imagine how tired it was for me.

Since I gotten my own place,
I've bought so many things.
I came to Jakarta with only a bag,
and now I've 2 bags and 5 boxes of stuff.

Felt like a loser and shameful moving
back to my Uncle's place.

Kept apologizing for troubling him.
He told me that it's okay, that he understands,
and he had went through the same before.

That we are almost like family.

I could almost cry.

We had Guinness, and the next following day,
I started reporting to the production house.

Life is like that;

You'll have your downs,

and learned that it can never be ups all the time.

"It's what you are when you are down or up that defines what you are and will be."

I swore to myself from today onwards,
I'll forever remember those who
had stuck with me during my downs,
and forever grudge to those who had fled.

"I'll remember you when I'm up there."


Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Day 281: Yay, Malaysia!

I've got an email today from Malaysia stating
that they have approved my 3 months scholarship
at New York Film School!

Yay! Even though my rent is due in 3 days,
and I've no money to pay the rent, and I haven't
got any call back for job, I still feel, YAY!

It feels like the concept of faith in God;
even though the present seems dark,
I know at the end of the tunnel it is bright.

Today is the birthday of a dear old friend who
had passed away 2 years ago. A good friend
who had helped me very much in my career.

I dedicate this post to him, and thank You
God for the blessings.

I'll live strong and continue the fight for


Thursday, February 16, 2012

Day 275: 1 circle

am back. was away for more than a month.
didn't want to go home at first.
thought that i should stay in Jakarta
since i'm running out of funds and needed
a job, thought i should stay during the
holiday-festive season, even though jobs
were low. i wanted to be the 'standby man'.

but synchronicity leaded a call from
Malaysia, telling me that i was short-listed
for the New York film school scholarship
i applied months ago. and i had to go back
for an interview on the 9th of January.

after consideration, i took the earliest
flight back. even though the chances are
slim, but it's New York man. i'm sure
every artist in the world dreams of
visiting New York at least once.

and so i went for the interview.
don't ask me how it turned out,
i thought it was good, wasn't
sure what the committee thought
though, since it's been weeks
i haven't heard from them.

and so i stayed back Malaysia
till Chinese New Year. since
it's only corners away, and
so i stayed.

it was the best trip back.
i was inspired by many events,
even though a little disappointed moments
and heartbreaking scenarios,
but it was filled with awakening-emotional
heart warming moments that was
filled with love from friends and family.

the above was an additional reason
i didn't wanted to come home,
the attachment.

but i dare to say now,
i've not a single regret of
coming back home.
guess i've needed it.

i learned one very important thing in life,
even though that it's a little platitude;

"it is always hard to leave home."

(i even almost miss my flight!)

God knows was it even a subconscious act
of denial wanting to leave.

i phew at seconds of arriving at the
boarding gate before it closes,
paid an enormous fees to the cab
driver for breaking the law of speeding,
and ran like i've never ran before,
a speed record which i would have broken,
if only i wasn't carrying a 20kg load
of luggage.

i sweated like a pig in the plane.
made a new indonesian friend who was
sitting next to me and i guarantee
that he had felt my heat and sweat,
which i swear at least a drop of it
have landed onto his arm that
was resting on the arm-rest.

we talked about my escapade to jakarta,
he told me about his 7 years studying
and working in Germany and Czech Republic,
(fantastic women and booze!).

we talked about his family life and life of being a father.
i shared with him my experience of watching my
good friends with their family and children.

we sigh,
and i said to him, 'it is not easy.'
he replied, 'yes, it isn't.'

i wonder if he had thought that i meant either:

A. that it was not easy BEING a father and raising a kid


B. that it was not easy TO OBTAIN a family and a kid.

which ever it is,
i personally feel it's both,

and i begin to learn to love my father and mother
even more.

with this i share with you a song i newly discovered
during my trip back in Malaysia.

i was surprised that it was sang by a fellow Malaysian!

i've been away for almost a year,
and now i discovered that the artscene in Malaysian
have significantly improved and matured,

which is what i would love to talk about tomorrow,



Wednesday, January 25, 2012


watching/listening to this again and again
makes me feel that i've not done enough in my life,
there are places i should be going.

the potential is so big!

the world is so big.

wait for me.

wait for me.


Thursday, January 05, 2012

As human beings we all make mistakes. We sin. But, people who are bad make a lifelong, regular habit out of it and have very little, if any, sense of remorse. Actually, they rather enjoy it. There's a sense of autonomy, self-determination, and blazing one's own path that seems to thrive in a person who recognizes no rules but his/her own and no authority other than the desires of his/her own heart.

i found this article when I was googling for 'Is Obama a bad man?'
by reading the above, could you think of anyone that you used
to know? do you feel like one? that's because i'm talking about
you :P

Anyway, here's the entire article:

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

wow, we're at (not quite :(

Wow, this could have been us up there eh?
Imagine how crazy it would have been,
if there have mentioned us.

anyway, here was my comment for the video


2005, i quit my job, rented a room and painted
40 canvases in 30 days via updated daily
on a blog,
since, we had various artists from around
the world participating the same challenge
at the site.

Matt Cutts' 3 minutes video made so much
impact as compared to the blog i've ran
for 5 years (which recently just closed down)
I agree 110% of what he had said, and have
been presenting the same message every where i go.

i'm shocked to have stumbled upon this
presentation and it gave me goose-bumps
knowing that someone else shares the same
views as i have of the 30-days-movement
so passionately. (a thought of that i could have
been the one up there crosses my mind briefly :P)

i was a printing sales guy before i did
the challenge on 2005. since, i've ventured
myself into the art world, published books+
comics, appeared on television+newspaper+etc,
invited for speeches, direct tv shows and
presently directing TV commercials.

my next goal would be to direct my own
feature someday and maybe bring home
an Oscar to my country.

crazy? yeah, that's what 30 days of
devotion to something you believe in
can do to you. it builds your confidence,
forces you to deal with your demons+negative+
laziness, (sometimes) forces good
art out of you, and also make peace
with the bad ones.

Out of the 40 works/paintings, i'm definitely
sure there will be at least 1 masterpiece.

Setting a target of 40 works in that 30 days
also forces you to better time manage your
work as an artist. painting 1 a day is too
comfortable, and I believe sometimes
'comfort' is a distraction to an artist.

additionally, posting on a blog via daily
pressures you to post/work daily just so
you won't be embarrass and disappoint
your viewers. the comment box in the blog
also helps when the audiences shouts
at you for not working, and also encourages
at time.

so-yeah, i 110% agree with what Matt said
and encourages anyone to go and give the
30 days challenge a try.

cheers to all and peace.