Day 57: TV

No work today.
Spent it at home watching tv.
Watched Out of Africa.
Very similar to Gone With The Wind.
Odd, yesterday in the korean movie
i watched, they mentioned Gone With The Wind.

Cooked lunch myself today.

At night, went out and bought myself
a super burger.

Came back and watched move TV.

At night, played FIFA with uncle
and now watching a live football match.

Didn't really like football back then.
And now I'm slowly digging it.
It seems to be something that blend
everyone together. Especially guys.

Tomorrow am heading back to KL.

For friend's wedding.

-chinyew

Day 56: ....

Those who walks alone,
walks far.

I was told that it is a blessing
in disguise that I'm not attached.

I've got no one to answer to.
I can go anywhere I want.

No obligations.

I'm free.

I should cherish this.

-chinyew

Day 55: Sleepy

Woke up early. Slept bout 3 hours
from yesterday shoot. I got back
round 7am. showered then knock
out completely.

had awesome pancake brunch with
friend's father. shall call him
uncle from now. cause he's so
good to me, introduce his friends
and contacts to me to help me
in my career.

i'll forever be in debt to him.

had telecine today.

room was super comfortable with music.
couldn't help falling asleep.
my producer fell asleep too.
so i guess it's ok.

after TC, i walked around the area.
found a rundown mall.
saw retail shops. the workers were
really bored and just standing around,
chatting among themselves.
i know how it feels, when i was
a teenager i used to work for my
mom or aunty in their boutiques.
just standing around, following
people around, serving them,
wasting time, for a small salary.

i'm thankful for my career now.

transsexuals knocked on the window
of the cab i was in, whoring themselves.
the cab driver told me the secret
was to ignore them.

came back, had some beers and watched
football with uncle. we talked about
dreams and life. we shared the same
favorite movie, Cinema Paradiso.
Yasmin Ahmad was the one who recommended
him.

life change with every little offerings
you give to people.

giving back more than expect of return.

i think of her with this concept.

-chinyew

Day 54: Birthdays

There's nothing more heartaching to have
someone you trust and love betrays you.

But I guess everyone makes mistakes.
Who are we to judge?

Each one of us probably have betray
someone.

It's 24th. Happy Easter.
Am still in a shoot.
2am. Still waiting for the
food to be ready.
Bloody sleepy.
Am the AD, I can't show people
that i am sleepy.

Everything makes up for it's reason.

Guess I'm not meant to be there
for her as someone else is.

We're in both different worlds,
striving for what we believe.
Our lives doesn't intervenes,
as for now.

I remembered once she told me
if I've faith, one day we will.

It all balls down to how much
I believed in the relationship.


I dunno really, but I want to.

Happy Easter.

and Birthday.

-chinyew

Day 53: Hiccups

Urghh... suffered through stomach
discomfort the entire day as I worked.

not too bad for first day.
everything when smooth and was on time.

but tomorrow everyone's telling me
gonna be really tough.

product shots for pizzas is not easy task
at all.

so i guess wrapping early today is not
something to be proud of first.

anyway came back feeling half sick.
dropped 2 aspirin. am knocking off now.

love.

-chinyew

Day 52: Conversations

Woke up. Couldn't sleep last night.
Worried bout my health.
This morning, every thing seems fine.
I live another day.

Made a promise to God, at least
please let me make it, at least one ultimate
feature film to leave my legacy.

Received via email a zoo promotion in London.
What would you do if you've discovered you've only
got few more days to live? Mine would be
being there.

Helped the director to move his
office into the new house.
Then we checked the set for tomorrow's shoot.
Everything's in place.

Had dinner with the producer and he shared
alot of insights. He told me that I'm not
suitable to be a director. He strongly points
out that it's not cause I 'can't',
it's cause I'm not 'suitable'.

I told him he only finds it that way is
because he hasn't know me enough yet.

I'm like that with new people.
I'm a different person once they
get to know me. I tend to be shy and
a little shut it.

He said i'm lack of confidence.
i replied that he hasn't seen me
in presentations yet.

i've given talks, lectures, and presentation
to clients back in KL. i've even got clients
who was so impressed they got up from their
seats and clapped after my presentation.

i'm good in selling. people who have worked
with me and my friends knows that.

so i told that producer,
give me a lil' more time,
and i'll prove you wrong.

tomorrow's the shoot.
my first AD job here.
it's my chance to shine.

especially to him.

-chinyew

Day 51: Sweet

Waited at the post production house today.
Body not feeling well.
Think there's something horrible going with
me.

But I've got no time to check the doctor.

Guess it'll just have to wait till I get back
to Malaysia by June.

Shoot is in another 2 days.
Excited. Let's hope my body doesn't
break down till then.

Signing out earlier today.

Till then.

-chinyew

Day 50: Busy-busy then freeee...

Had an early message from director today.
Had to add and change some frames for the
board. Forced my tired body to wake up
and rushed the pages.

Everything was in fast paced today.
Got the maid to make me some toast
and eggs. Bottoms up a hot cup of
coffee. YEOWCH!

Spent the afternoon rushing out
the scene breakdown. It's my first
AD job for Jakarta. Got to do my best.
Eventhough people tell me that the team
hardly refers to the breakdown, I still
wanted to do it. Strategizing a shoot
is very fun and challenging.

Rush hour, needed to head to the production
house. Took an ojek. Finally. Felt really
uncomfortable wearing a helmet where tons
of people have worn. Tell myself, this
is only temporary. Give me a little more
time, and I'll make it here. Then I'll
look back at this moment.

Finished everything at the production house.
Chilled. Saw a Javanese solitare on the table.
It reminded me of the recent new years eve,
in my room playing it, then over a cup of coffee
the next day. Wonders if she took it with her.

Took an ojek back to director's house to show
him the sample for art direction. Wonders
am I over proving myself. Or whether it's not
necessary at all. People advise that I don't
have to try so hard here in Jakarta. Or I only
have to give bout 60% of what I've given in KL
would be more than enough for them.

But i got no time.

I have to make it. Quick.

-chinyew

Day 49: Grudge

One thing i learn from Christianity
is forgiveness.

There's a saying that forgiveness is the
sign of the strong.

I find it hard many times.

Trying to understand from their shoes
helps.

I'm sorry for being this late to realize
this and should have trusted you.

Find more Ron Sexsmith albums at Myspace Music

Day 48: Quiet

early day.

test shoot for the food commercial.

the technical aspects are a little
different compared to the shoots
i've experienced.

getting the hang out of it.

later evening was test shoot on location.
had fun coordinating for the director.

picked up some new music while the
director was searching for music for
the thematic cut.

good music to burn and post it to SF.

-chinyew

Day 47: Scream

Tiring first day back here.
Had enough sleep, but still,
body feels weak.

Took my charge as an AD today during recce.

Received an email.
Sounded so hostile.

Why? What did I do?

Felt miserable the entire day.

It gets to you sometimes when yr alone
in a foreign country.

I can't be this weak.

Screaming inside.

Sleep, tomorrow another early day.

-chinyew

i counted your eye lashes remember?

Day 46: Jakarta, i miss you.

Am back.

It's been an awesome week spending back
home in kl.

Had time to chilled out with friends, drank mom's
awesome soup and watched tons of movies.

Was able to feed my craving for awesome
food where i couldn't find them here in jakarta.
awesome hokkien mee, bak kut teh and apam
balik with cheese, ham, egg and mayo.

yum yum.

been smoking and drinking alot lately.

hate the airport as usual.

psychology feels so tired leaving home
everytime. i know mom's gonna
be very worried for me. and my heart
feels heavy everytime i leave home.

got my business visa. no need to checkout
Jakarta for atleast another 2 months.

great to be back here.

found out on the last day i was in KL
that special friend was back too.
wonders why she didn't call.
afraid to see me or despise to see me?
would have to love to catch up and
share a cake. sigh, life is such.

well-anyway----coming back to Jakarta
i feel like i'm back in action again. tomorrow's
gonna be my first day as AD in jakarta.

had the time to stop by a bar just now that
was flooded with college foreigners.

hmmmmmm.......

life is good here.

very good. :)

wohoo!

-chinyew

Day 45: Packing in

Hate packing up.
Hate departing to airport.
Hate waiting to board the plane.
Hate being in the plane.
Hate taking the bus to the station.
Hate unpacking.
Hate after being comfortable
being at home, I've to pack again.

Will not post when I'm back in KL.

Make a point to only post when
I'm in Jakarta, counting the days
till I direct my first commercial
here.

Till then, see you in another 7 days.

-chinyew

Day 44: Sleepy

Watched football yesterday.
Sleepy. Luckily today wasn't
a heavy day. Just fixed some
frames for the storyboard.

I enjoy walking.
Walked a little to the audio
post to meet up with the
immigration officer to settle
some papers.

Then walked back to director's
house.

Stopped by pharmacy to buy
some stuff. This hand sanitizer
thingy is getting addictive.
Bought some vitamins and pills
for my stomach problem. Also
some facial wash. Guess I need
all this to survive Jakarta
for a long period of time.

My next aim is Europe really.

Just gotto kick start my directing
here quickly, and with a good reel,
I can start pitching for overseas
job.

Hopeful? Well, couple months back
I was bitching in the blog 'bout
getting out of Kuala Lumpur and kept
praying to have opportunities to work
on bigger projects.

And now here I am.

I really believe everything happens
for a reason. But when I was in that
pile of shit 2 months back, I couldn't
see it. I kept asking; why me?

Every crisis seems to prepare me for something
greater.

If all those crisis didn't happened, I wouldn't
have taken the courage to pack up my bags and leave.

Honestly, I did left home with a broken heart.
Didn't felt like staying in my room anymore.
Too much memories. I've ran out of sides to
sleep in my bed.

With my new bed in Jakarta, I sleep soundly.

Dilemma, don't like the feeling of going home
this Friday, but yet I miss home.

Don't even like being in Bangsar anymore.

I've used up all my bullets at my last sling.

Yet I fuckin miss the experience of being there.

-chinyew

Day 43: More meetings

Went to an agency today.
It's the 4th agency I've
met since I've arrived in Jakarta.

The more agencies you know
the better chance of you
getting your next directing gig.

Director asked me today how am
I finding Jakarta.
Told him that I liked it so far.
Good food, lots of opportunity for
work, plenty of people to learn from.
Told him that I haven't been this
active since a long time.

All good, except every day when
I finishes work. I wouldn't know
where to go. I would like to hang
out some time. Go on dates, catch
a movie, go on fine dining, etc.

-chinyew

Day 42: Believe

Presentation to clients today.
First offline was shot in 5d.
Then the director presented
the bolex (film) version.
Everyone liked it.
Film prevails again.

I get a very satisfying feeling
knowing that film still rules over
digital.

During the meeting we were served
'kuning' rice with fried chicken.
Very delicious.

Had a half day break.
Went to colleague's house.
It was great chilling, drinking
guinness and playing PS3.
The wife made a very good meal
for us too. Very spicy! Love
spicy.

Later evening had another prep
meeting for Pizza Hut shoot.
I'll be ADing the job. My first
official production job in Jakarta.

Later for supper had a Javanese
fried fish meal with rice.

Came back home, drank more guinness
and chill with friend's father.
And more PS3.

Feel so thankful for the life that
has been blessed upon me.

There's so many bad stuff happening around
the world now.

Sad, I hate following news sometimes.

-chinyew

Day 41: 7-E

12am. Just finished work. Am having
my late dinner in a 7-E. You can get
all sort of food at this hour here.

The tables outside are packed with
teenagers hanging, smoking and beers.

I choose to stay inside.
Am having a beef hotdog and a can of
Guinness. I like convenient store
hotdogs where you get to jam packed
it with vegetables and onions. Comes
with free chilli and cheese too.

I like this feeling; being alone and
observing in the public.

Open for any possibility.

I should be doing my comics chronicling
this journey. My experiences, my feelings.
Ought to be good material.

Guess many could relate.

Can't even think of what to write
at this hour, except I better get goin,
ESPECIALLY at this hour.

Night walk alone in Jakarta might not
be that safe. Anything possible could
happen.

-chinyew

Day 40: Chill at home

Finished the storyboard at afternoon.

Awaits feedback from director.

Meanwhile just chilled at home with
friend's father. Watch movies, played
FIFA 11 and watched football.

Had not chill like this for a long time.
It made me felt like I was home.

Mom called today. It was great to hear
her voice. Could tell she really misses
me.

Feeling guilty not being there for her.

Almost felt like Toto from Cinema Paradiso.

I stare at my miniature projector.

-chinyew

Day 39: Casablanca

Spent the entire afternoon working
on the new board.

Evening, went to a meeting at the agency.

Walked the streets after the meeting.

Almost home.

Ordered McDonalds. Watched Casablanca, again.

I'm glad I watched it the first time.

Watching a movie like this serves like
a polaroid to your memory.

Good story.

Love the dilemma.

Was she Ingrid?

Am bitter like Rick, but I ain't no hero.

'Play it again, Sam!'

-chinyew