Day 141: Sitting there just watching

Woke up. Made breakfast. Then had
a run, swim, basketball. The usual.
Am finding as much things to do
alone.

Watched some movies.

Checked out some other kost house.
Worried the coming 3 months i won't
be able to pay the rent. the other
places i found lately are really
dodgy and crappy. and for the price
it's not worth it at all.

the place am living is still the best.

was in the pool and was thinking how
cool if my friend were with me now.

so i messaged everyone. hoping they
would come this august.

till then, it's only me and my cans
of Guinness.

-chinyew

Day 140: Cycle of life

Just watched Harry Porter finale.
Can't believe 10 years just went
like that. a decade.

Started when I was only 20.
Now 30. And finished it watching
in Jakarta. As I walked out the
cinema, I was reflecting what
I was doing a year ago.

Those were one of the happiest
days of my life.

I recalled buying roti jalar
and eating in my car, minutes
before buka puasa at Taman Tun.

ah-fuck.

got to put it behind me now.

-chinyew

Day 139: Pay and Rent

Thus is life,
money in, money out.

Went to the production house today
to get my pay. Came back home,
immediately used half of it and
paid my rent.

i'm lucky even to get a gig
of assisting direct this month.

have been saving on food.
can food and instant noodle.

am lucky sometimes to eat at
production and post houses.

that's what they say,
you always suffer when you're
starting out.

i've been 'starting out' too many
times.

but i guess Jakarta is my last straw.
if this doesn't cut it, i don't
know what will.

meanwhile i'm sustaining well.

come on board, somebody give me a bloody
board! i'll do any spot!

-chinyew

Day 138: Work=Food

Called mom. It was great to hear
her voice. A familiar voice.
Hadn't spoken Cantonese
for a long time.

Had my run. On my way back,
I went to the bagel store and
paid them for yesterday.

Then had my swim.

Went to the post house at late
afternoon. Had my lunch and
dinner there.

Came back and watched more
TV.

TV.

TV.

-chinyew

Day 137: Good restoration

Naturally woke up early. Went back
to sleep directly. Body needs the rest.
Could still feel my legs sore.

Went for a swim. I love the sun
at the pool. Rejoice the very moment
I dive into it. Love how the water
make my body feels. Good recovery.

Took my time in the pool.

Later bought a bagel. Forgot
to pay and walked-off.
Their Thailand ice tea is fantastic.

Watched a couple of episodes
of a HK series. It's been awhile.

Had some time to read.

It feels bloody fantastic to relax
after a previous day of hard work.

Work starts again tomorrow.

-chinyew

Day 135: Safe and smooth

It's the true, the more you do, the better you get.
Learn from mistakes. Made a few during the shoot.
But after this shoot, I'm quite sure that I won't
be making anymore the next one.

Building the relationship quite well with
the production house and agency.
Atleast they know my deep intention of
directing. They said they might have
something for me and will call me.
Thrilled! But won't put my hopes too
high. Just got to concentrate of what
I'm doing first, which is assisting the
director. Am still very thankful and
feel very blessed with the opportunity
that i given to me.

Wrapped on time.
The moment it wrapped, my legs
gave in. Had trouble walking.
I've overworked them.

Came back home bout 12am and
called for reflexology.

Had the most tiring sleep ever.

-chinyew

Day 134: Day 1 of Bank Shoot

Good so far.
Everything on time.

Was given a chance to cue the shots
and call the camera roll. Calling
Action and Cut.

Everytime I shoot, the early wake
up, late sleep and long period
of standing, screws up my diet,
toilet and foot aches.

It's almost 1am. Tomorrow call
time at 5:30am. That's like 4
and half hour of sleep.

Till tomorrow.

-chinyew

Day 133: Check set and ready to go

Woke up early, had my run,
then swim.

Went to the production house,
then to location to check set.

Exciting. All are ready.
Briefed the team. Client
good with the talent.

Tomorrow an early day. 4am.

i realized since i started
following the world news,
the world's a pretty grim
place.

so many minds. so many ideology.

it's 8pm. shall go sleep now.

-chinyew

Day 132: The Spirit Carries On

Odd day. I get a lot of dejavu.
Had my early run today.
Then bought a bagel on the way
back. Love bagels. Reminded me
of Harvey Pekar.

Was at production house today.
Looks like we got our talent.
Will be shooting in 2 days.

1 to be exact. A day after tomorrow.

Just heard the news that Amy WInehouse
died. Not really a fan. But it's sad to hear
a talented person dying at the age of 27.

Why so many talented musicians dies
at 27?

What's with the number?

I was born on the date 27th.

-chinyew

Day 131: Tricky-tricky

Hiccups at work.
Last minute the client didn't like the
talent. Only 2 more days to shoot
and we still have trouble finding the
main.

Things get really tricky if the shoot
is canceled, that means no income
for me this month.

Credit card bill is piling up back
in KL. with my phone bills and insurance.

should i cut off my phone bill and
insurance since i'm no longer based
in kl anymore?

this final action would really meant
cutting of my last bond with kl.

and finalizing, jakarta is my home now.

tricky-tricky.

-chinyew

Day 130: Me love food, who doesn't?

stating the obvious.

eating carefully. properly.
been rushing like crazy lately.
with schedule and work.

hadn't got time to sit down
properly and enjoyed a meal.

bad for health.

but i've stopped smoking.
permanently.
can't stand the smoke smell.
can't picture myself ever
picking up another cigarette.
ever.

now drinking, i can't stop.

love drinking.

especially my Guinness.

been longing to go to the
pub across the place i live.

but am broke. and tired.

been a long day today.

cooked indomee again.
which is bad. instant noodle.
takes awhile for it to digest
in the body.

tomorrow another long day.

till tomorrow.

-chinyew

Day 129: Early day again

Had an early day again today.
Went to the production house,
then recce with the rest of
the production team.

then went back to production house
to do casting.

blending well with the production
in-house team.

another early day tomorrow.

same o same o.

-chinyew

Day 128: Recce and scheming

Woke up real early for recce.
To check out a golf course for shoot.

All seems fine.

A day packed with work,
but i've ran out of words to elaborate.

Might be getting jaded soon.

Came back home and still had to
prepare the scheduling for the shoot.
Used to hate doing the scheduling
process and just leave it entirely to
my assistant director.

It took me awhile to get the hang of
it, but now it seems almost exciting
and fun again.

scheming.

-chinyew

Day 127: Movies and conversation

Stuck in traffic jam like crazy today.
Was able to finish watching 2 movies.

Had coffee and beef pie inside the car.

Then meeting with a bank for a commercial
shoot. Will be ADing for it. Quite a major
shoot with 12 Mercedes C-Class and S-Class.

Not doin so financially well though.

Director told me that he might need
the Macbook he loaned me cause his
wife's broken.

Got to find funds soon for a new Mac.
It's a work tool which I'll have to
invest in. My netbook just doesn't
cut it.

Sigh.

Oh-money, oh-money, where are thou?
Thee need you.

-chinyew

Day 126: 3 rounds and a sound

as ordinary as any day can be.

always thought i was alone back home.

now i'm truly alone.

know what it feels to wake up,
make your own meals,
and the tv is yr only friend.

i choose this.

i want this.

-chinyew

Day 125: Time is my biggest enemy

time is really flying.
am afraid of aging.
am 30. and seems time
really flies. fast.

i looked at myself in the mirror.
i've aged. some white hair.
wrinkles.

some man hold their age proudly.

so much to do. so little time.

sometimes i can't remember
have i taken my pills.
cause everyday seem to be
so repetitive.

i'm thankful to God that
i'm still alive. that i'm
surviving. still able to
pay my bills. still able
to feed myself.

health and age is what
i fear most. that i'll lose
my health to the polluted air
here and the sometimes dirty
food.

am only worried that i'll
age so fast that i'm behind
where i'm supposed to be.

am eager to direct my first
commercial. am eager to direct
my first feature. am eager
to finish and publish my graphic
novel. am eager to live at
the city i want to live.

the repetitiveness of everyday
pains my eagerness.

-chinyew

Day 124: Transformers

Finally the tax issue between the government
and film importers are settled. it's almost
4 months since we got any blockbuster
movies in Jakarta.

Finally i can succumb to my cinema fix.

Now let's hope I'm able to catch Harry Porter
and X-Men.

I love going to the cinemas. Even though
if it's a crappy movie, I would still go
to one every week.

I'm so used to goin alone.

And then things changed.

And much later, things reverted
back to being alone again.

But I do enjoy watching it with someone.
Especially the walk after a movie.

Was in a mall today after the meeting.
Only b-grade movies were showing.
Didn't had the mood to watch.
Not today atleast.

-chinyew

Day 123: Back to work

Is not that i haven't been working.
For the last 7 days since director
had left for holiday, i've been
inside my room, watching movies,
downloading and viewing tutorials
of the film camera. catching up with
lenses and lighting.

i've learned about them back before
i became a director in KL. when i
was still a production assistant,
i spent most of my time learning
the whole science of production.
and when i became a director,
i tend to slowly forgot about
it. i rely mostly on my team.
besides, we were shooting mostly
on the digital video camera,
low budget television series
that prioritize speed rather
than quality.

our camera is mostly set in
auto mode and given only an
additional wide angle lens.

thus, i'm here, no longer spoon-fed,
i've got to buckle up.

these days if you're hardworking
and intense enough, you can get any
tutorial in the internet. you can
be anyone or any profession.

but-still,
even though 'knowledge' is power,
it's the people you know and your
personality that eventually lands
you the job.

-chinyew

Day 122: 4 white walls and 1 white ceiling

Some asked why do i live in
such expensive place.
to me, it's not expensive,
it's decent.

for me, the ceiling and walls
are important. nothing fancy,
as long it's clean and white.

you'll be surprise how hard
it is to find a room like
that in Jakarta.

i like white walls and ceilings.

it's what i'll be seeing for
a long consecutive of time.
and i think it helps with one's
psychology and mental state.

every morning when i open my
eyes, i see the white ceiling.

every tiring day coming back home,
the moment i open the door,
i see the white walls.

me like white.

:D

-chinyew

Day 121:Run it all out

a close friend who is also working overseas
text me saying he was feeling depress.

i replied stating that i understood exactly
what he meant and that he should try running
it out, it might help. he said it was great idea.
i replied to him, "yeah-thanks, now i myself
gonna go for a run." he replied "sorry."

after leaving the production house,
picked up my passport, i walked into
McDees, thinking maybe i should buy
dinner for tonight. as i studied what
to order, i suddenly remembered
a promise i made with a friend long time
ago that i should stop eating McDees for
a year. i also promised her to live
healthier. and so i did;

i've stopped smoking almost a month.
run and swim an average of 3 times a week.
taking multiple supplements. eat healthy.

i need to live longer. i need to earn
more money. for a better life, longer life.

i walked out McDees empty handed.

once i put my bag into my room,
i instantly changed, grab my iphone,
and then my sneakers, my comfortable
nike free. looked at it for a moment,
i forced the memories back in.

and i ran.

i keep pushing myself further
and faster for every run.

run till i see stars.

run till i'm out.

-chinyew

Day 120: shall be it.

120 days.

it feels weird waking up
to a place that your are
not familiar, thinking
that you are still home,
'where the fuck..**'

it takes me awhile to
register and realizing,
'oh...'

i wake up and sit at the edge
of the bed and repeatedly tell myself,
'this is home now, this is home now.'

then i freshen up myself,
make breakfast and watch TV news
over it.
'this is the world.'

i usually have time to do some
running or just some basic exercise
before i head to work, walk out
and reach for a cab and smell the
horrible air.
'welcome to Jakarta.'

at work, i struggle with the language
due to how my brain is embedded with
bahasa malaysia that sound almost similar
yet significantly different from the
bahasa indonesia. colleagues laugh
and seems sincere enough to correct me,
only realizing a couple days later
from the cab driver's laughter,
that i've been tricked, worse, he said
he has no change for the fare.
they always fuckin don't have
change for the fare.
'this is indonesia.'

walked to the pub and people greeted
me by my name, welcoming me.
i ordered my usual Guinness, dinner,
and leaved a big tip afterwards.
people bids me farewell and shake
my hand asthough i just left a wedding.
'this is indonesia.'

got back to my room, shower,
do some some pull ups till
i fuckin can't feel my arms,
i die down, lay myself on bed,
look at the flat-white ceiling
and think to myself,

'this is my life now,

and shall be it.'

-chinyew

Day 119: Games of Thrones and a cut.

Couldn't wake up at 5am.
Slept at 3am. Been watching
episodes of Games of Thrones.
i love HBO series.

just finished the last episode.
3am.

cut my thumb just now as i
attempt to cut open the
ice cream plastic box.

cut's pretty deep.

a few days ago as i was washing
the dishes, and my fruit knife,
i thought to myself what happens if
i accidentally cut myself. like
cutting off a finger. what would
i do? i don't even know the
emergency no. to call in Jakarta.
it'll be scary.

it's weird really.

then i was just in a pool.
floating, looking up the sky,
i suddenly thought of an old
friend i haven't heard awhile.
then that same evening, she
emailed me.

watched TV, a series was quoting
from the book Secret.

my thumb's cut is pretty deep.
googled how to stop the bleeding
and when it's too serious that
i should get medical help.

it's been an hour i think,
and bleeding's slowing down.

maybe if i focus with my mind,
i can make the bleeding stop.

-chinyew

Day 118: Peace

My home country's having a rally.
Quite major one. 'Rally' is a nicer
way of saying 'demonstration'.

so much anger.

some of my friends went for it.

i followed the news on tv and
web stream closely. i miss home.

interesting day today with
the South Sudan gaining independence,
and Egypt demonstrating again.
seem to overshadowed Malaysia's rally.

to clear my head, i went for a run.
then a swim. came back and made
dinner. fried rice. called mom.

there's a Sunday Morning Run tomorrow.
think i'm goin. 6am. gawdddd....

-chinyew

Day 117: Cook Rice

Went to a post production house
today to discuss the process
of the next shoot.

Bank commercial. It's exciting
to AD a shoot which is not food
or product.

After the meeting I went to get
my first haircut in Jakarta.
I always get my haircut with
a stylist in Malaysia.

Not too bad the outcome.

Later went to did some grocery shopping.

There was an art store.
Bought an Ox hair brush and
black drawing ink. I only uses
my windsor newton brush and ink.
but thought i give other brands
a try. hand held a brush for so long.

shall see if i'll ever use it.

bought a rice cooker. rice. can food.
pan. oreos. vegetables. fruits. shampoo.

learned when you go shopping alone,
careful not to buy more than you can
carry.

it was crazy trying to get a cab
with my hands overwhelmed.

reached home. cooked my first rice.
made my first dinner. so tired of
eating instant noodles and powder
formed soup.

today is about giving in and
adapting.

-chinyew

Day 116: No work and play. (not really)

no work today.

stayed in my room
and watched movies.

cooked spaghetti.

went for a swim.

watched more movies.

probably gonna watch another one.

-chinyew

Day 115: Work and no play

Had an early call today.
Rushed to the post house.

Waited till evening, went
to a production meeting.

A bank commercial shoot which
I'm gonna AD.

Came back home. Showered.
Tomorrow director's heading
for holiday.

I walked to the bar. 2am.
Enough time to finish 2 Guinness.

Walked back home. Lay on bed.
Looking at the ceiling.

Slowly doze off.

-chinyew

Day 114: Nightmares

been getting nightmares lately.
past memories.
very disturbing.

5am, i forced myself back to sleep.

keep praying to God for me to
forget.

woke up 8am. body feels tired.
forced myself back to sleep.

12pm. had to wake up.
need to be at immigration office
by 2pm.

didn't felt hungry. ate a piece
of bread and drank water.

reached immigration office.
noticed most officers were
wearing slippers.

had my picture taken and fingerprints
scanned.

head of to director's house. only reaching
there, meeting canceled. took a pajai home
and called for laundry.

made tomato soup for dinner. and bread.

did some work.

watched some TV.

10pm.

thought a run could help.

bad idea. at night there's when
people burn their rubbish.
could smell plastic.

but still i ran. as fast as i could.

came back exhausted.
showered. ate fruits.

probably gonna do a little more
work before i head to bed.

-chinyew

Day 113: Socializing

Woke up, make egg toast.
Then watched a movie.

Head to audio post.
It was great to see uncle.
Had white wine. Then meeting.

It was interesting seeing
how everyone clicked.

Then joined for audio recording.

Later we had Japanese food
with the agencies.

I listened to many of their
interesting conversation.

Got to pick up my
The Art of Mingling book again.

-chinyew

Day 112: Routine

Woke up. Watched a movie.
Then had my run. Swim.

Came back home, made lunch.

Then went to director's house,
only half way, meeting canceled.

Paid the patjai(mini motor cum. car) guy
5 thousand, that's the amount i used
to pay. he said not enough and asked
for 10. argued with him that i usually
pay 5. he persist he wanted it.
so i gave him another 2.

had dinner at friend's house.
finally, some home cooked food.

then skyped with buddy from malaysia.
it was great chatting in my malaysian-english
accent.

then went to the cinema with friend
and wifey.

watched a local movie.
didn't had subtitles.
but still i enjoyed it.
pretty touching.

received a brochure of an apartment.
thinking of purchasing it cause it's
so cheap. almost like paying my monthly
rental now. might as well i buy
my own place right?

but it's not so easy, especially
without a permanent salary, the bank
wouldn't loan me any money.

only way is to ask from my parents.
hadn't ask from them for awhile.
hadn't even give them any money for
awhile.

another way is to get my first directing
gig and halleluya!

-chinyew

Day 111: Pffft!

Woke up. Felt really lazy.
Forced myself to sleep in longer.

Woke up, had lunch, then watched
a movie. Korean action-packed.
Pretty good.

Read a little.

Then slept again.

Sun was shining in.
Wind blowing.
Felt peaceful,
yet a lonesome feeling.

Woke up late evening.
Messaged uncle for dinner.
Met up, had duck rice.
Then went over to his place
to play FIFA. missed the cats.
Uncle gave me his medical pillow
which i've been searching for
everywhere.

went back home.
watched tv.
took my pills.

off to bed.

-chinyew

Day 110: Tough

No work for this coming month,
cause the current production
house the director is working
for already has an assistant
director.

means no pay this month.
means gotto watch on my
spending this month.

no fear, instant noodle
and white bread shall be
my friend.

no more drinking for me.
no more bars.
no more junk food.

no fancy food or cakes.

shall go on diet this month.

i'll live through it.

missing home.

missing special friend.

stupid. stupid. stupid.

-chinyew