Day 26: I love abstract art when it is done well.

Day 26 by Anne Kullaf


"I love abstract art when it is done well,
but I don't do it well,
so I sometimes take paintings that
I am not thrilled with as a whole
and try to find areas that can
become almost abstract."

abstract. i first heard the word
when i was in art school.





i've always been drawing.
since when i was a kid,
mom brought be a full set of color pencils.

obsess with my scribbling since.

i love my mom.

she gave me this life.

and i'm thankful.

i always feel guilty of not
giving back enough for her.

like not living my life to the fullest.

positively.

i'm a bad person.

even evil sometimes. i think.

you can tell.

for today's special.

i pre-typed this earlier.

i'll be posting this when i come
back from the crazy shoot.

today, no pages from the graphic novel.

but it's more.

a journey into my mind.

life.

this is as deep as you can get
into me.

i love comics since young.

i have memories of dad rushing into
my room and shakes his head in disappointment,
to see me drawing again.
"sigh. drawing again."
i'll pretend that he is not there.
a moment of silence.
and i'll hear the door closes behind me.

every kid want his dad to be proud of him.

dad always wanted me to be a successful business
man, just like him. i don't blame him.
he came from a dog eat dog world.
he worked his way up hard for us.
i'm thankful to him that i have this luxury
to be in this life now.

i doubt i can ever be as close as successful as he is.

i doubt i can even provide for a child as spoilt
as i, or as well as he has provided for me.

these are my early childhood comics.

80s circa:













i was always angry as a child.
my anger towards my father's disappointment
in me, made me even wanting more to be
different.

i guess it was my childish revenge
towards him.

with my self-destruction mental state,
it was difficult for me to find love.

from my desperation of wanting to be
love and approval of self,
i seek love, desperately.

and this desperation was a problem.

it scared them away.

and finally,

it made me found none.

late 90s circa:




after years of seeking and falling,

i finally gave up.

i decide, i shall not need love.

and then,

when i least expected,

love found me.

but it ended as fast as it begin.

it survived a 2 years stint.

the losing of this love made me angrier.

you can pretty much imagine how much.

drawing strips was a way i release my pain.

i posted them on artistcrisis. my first blog,

till i was discovered.

ashamed, i stopped.

i had 200 over pages of strips posted.

and a couple hundreds more, unscanned.

which i plan to publish them someday.

(any keen publisher out there?)

2004-2005 circa:




as time pass.
i became darker.

and darker.

i spit at life.

yet fascinated with it.

i journey far into my brain.

questioning. theorizing.

still, i found only emptiness.





like many artist, i grew tired of myself.

enough of self-pity, and self-destruction.

i was tired of the darkness.

i wanted to stand.

i did 30dayartist on August 2005.

that was the first step.

2005-2006 circa:










second year was greater.

and now, i'm here again.

sharing my obsession,

with myself.

i still seek love.

but hardly lately.

i'm happy.

i hoped i've not gloom anyone's day.

i doubt anyone will be going through
them anyway.

till tomorrow, back to the drawing board.

:)

-chinyew

Abstract:

1. Considered apart from concrete existence: an abstract concept.
2. Not applied or practical; theoretical. See synonyms at theoretical.
3. Difficult to understand; abstruse: abstract philosophical problems.
4. Thought of or stated without reference to a specific instance: abstract words like truth and justice.
5. Impersonal, as in attitude or views.
6. Having an intellectual and affective artistic content that depends solely on intrinsic form rather than on narrative content or pictorial representation: abstract painting and sculpture.