Day 99: Crazy

Another crazy day at work.
get fucked by producer.

after all the craziness,
reached home. the moment
i entered my room,
i crashed myself to the bed.
room vibrates like a ripple
effect.

ahh..speaking of 'ripple',
wished i've brought my Dave Cooper's Ripple.
really love the artwork and story.
really miss art.

with all the craziness goin on here,
i tend to miss my art more.

but i've to keep telling myself.
art brings me no money,
and this, this shit, this craziness
does.

but it doesn't mean i don't fancy
what i do now. well-not exactly,
i enjoy directing, but ADing is a
whole different ball game.
even after you've moved on to
directing, you tend to slowly
forget yr ADing skill. try giving
an establish director to AD for
another director. it'll be a mess.
i'm not saying everyone, maybe some can.
i think i can. i fuckin can.
i'm just saying it requires some time
to tune yrself back.

it doesn't help with all these craziness
given. it can sometime, but it doesn't
kill to give back some encouragement
to boost back the morality.
i realized that now. being here has given
me a whole new perspective of directing.

*&*%$# just can't wait to start
fuckin directing again.

anyway, getting all this craziness,
i reflect back when i was a
director in KL, i gave the craziness
to my team. and it doesn't work
i guess. it only stresses them
out more, and deflects performances.

i keep thinking, why am I getting
fucked so often, maybe it's my karma.
have i really deteriorate since after
so long I assisted anyone? have i been
spoon-fed for too long, i forgot
how's it feel to pick up a spoon myself.

whatever it is, i'm here and i gotto
do it.

no turning back, no art. that's what
i keep telling myself everyday.

every fuckin day.

-chinyew